Ah Girl

I am...

2011-05-05T13:02:00.002+08:00

... not

...... a fucking Kbox song selection machine.

You do not insert your shit when I am busy doing something else. If it is so bloody urgent, why can't you do it yourself? You say you can't do it without me? What if I took MC today? Then how? Die lah? Your stuff important then my stuff not important lah?

_|_ you understand!

Oh my god...

2011-03-15T16:00:00.002+08:00

how I hate people. Just when I thought this pop culture of owning a DSLR camera would die soon, it proves me wrong and hits back harder than I've expected. __ posers. Just because you have a DSLR camera in your hands doesn't make you a photographer nor does it automatically make you an aspiring one.

I hope a Bangladeshi sucker punches you in your stomach, robs you of your pretentious camera, wallet, shoes and pants and pisses on you while you're lying on the ground.

Eve

2011-02-09T09:19:00.002+08:00

Living proof that women can get wet from all things material as well. Tsk tsk tsk.

A nice set of wheels and a fat wallet makes a woman spread her legs she's in a synchronized swimming contest. - Ernest

Facebook

2011-01-11T10:20:00.004+08:00

Are the taunts and posts of anger on your page results of real life misfortunes or are they just part of an elaborate plan to get people to shower their attention on you?

Are the posts of stuff that you've done, photos of clubbing nights, places where you've been, what kind of a person you are and stuff that no one gives a shit about really necessary? Will it kill you if you fail to update your status for a day? Does it render you impotent?

I am on Facebook everyday due to the nature of my work and I can confidently say that people are MASSIVE blackholes when it comes to attention. I have no idea why. There's this rumour that Facebook will close down somewhere near Mid March. I hope it's not true cause if it is, I'd have one less source of entertainment. A sizable one at that.

Hey guys, heads up for you;

That is how big you are in a galaxy. You don't matter. No one matters. You're gonna die in a couple of years anyway. You're just dead people who ain't dead yet. So don't put so much emphasis on the shit that you do and make it sound like people should actually pay attention to shitty you.

Now go fuck yourself.

Really ?

2010-11-15T17:37:00.003+08:00

Without much consideration, you say, "I do". He/she says, "I do". All rise to applaud that moment and you smile to yourself and believe that you have achieved true happiness. You let the whole world know and bask in their blessings. But oh no, after 6 months, you slowly find out that you actually didn't want to say, "I do". Then, you find people to get you papers to state that you actually meant, "I don't".

Awww... ):

*rolls eyes*

What We Actually Mean

2010-08-24T18:31:00.007+08:00

Are you frustrated/irritated/angry/disappointed at/with your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/whoever when he/she still continues to light up that cigarette even after he/she has promised/told you that he/she is going to stop smoking ?

Well, this article will provide you with the ten basic truths about what we bloody smokers actually mean when we say something !

Read on for a healthier relationship between the smoker and you !

1) What the smoker said : I'm going to quit smoking just because I love you.
What the smoker meant : I'm actually lying to you and I'm going to light up behind your back. Fuck you.

2) What the smoker said : I've stopped smoking since 43586298 years ago.
What the smoker meant : I've stopped smoking since my last stick 5 minutes ago.

3) What the smoker said : I'm going to stop smoking if the government increases the price of cigarettes again.
What the smoker meant : I'm going to Malaysia to get my cigarettes if the government increases the price of cigarettes again.

4) What the smoker said : I feel like quitting.
What the smoker meant : No I don't.

5) What the smoker said : I'm quitting smoking because I want to save up.
What the smoker meant : I'm saving up for something but during the process of saving up, I'm probably going to spend most of that money on cigarettes.

6) What the smoker said : I'm just a social smoker.
What the smoker meant : Hahahahahahahahahaha ! Like I care there's no difference !

7) What the smoker said : I've stopped smoking for the past 6 months.
What the smoker meant : LOL ! GOTCHA AGAIN ! Actually, I think about lighting up every now and then and it's only sooner than later that I do.

8) What the smoker said : I've actually started to smell and taste better ever since I stopped !
What the smoker meant : I'm dreaming about stuffing my face with ciggies even as we speak.... ):

9) What the smoker said : I feel better than I've ever been since I stopped !
What the smoker meant : Need................ to.................. smoke................

10) What the smoker said : I'm going to quit smoking after this last pack.
What the smoker meant : I'm just joking.

There you have it. Our ten truths that I think everyone should know about.

Oh well, at least there's something positive about us smokers,
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SMOKERS ARE NEVER QUITTERS.

The iPhone 4G in a nutshell

2010-05-19T20:29:00.005+08:00

What can one do to stop our Singaporean clusterfuckers from asking repetitive questions about something that is not confirmed even in the US ? If you are clueless as to what I am talking about, it is the Apple's STILL-NOT-AVAILABLE-IN-ANY-MARKET iPhone 4G.

NO, the iPhone 4G will not be available in Singapore in June. It is not even selling the US market. Steve Jobs has not even announced the product yet (what was announced was the iPhone OS 4.0) and even if Apple were to make a silent release of the iPhone 4G, it will most probably be available only in the US market at first. So what do you think would make us Singaporeans so special fucks that the iPhone 4G will be selling in local stores by June ?

Which leads me to this :

STOP ASKING WHAT NEW FUNCTIONS THE IPHONE 4G WILL HAVE AND WHEN IT WILL BE AVAILABLE IN SINGAPORE.

Well, you've come to the right place if you want to know what other orgasmic functions the iPhone 4G has installed for you guys. Because I'm so awesome, I know what new functions the upcoming iPhone 4G will have.

Here's a gist of the new features :

That's right. Why use your normal dull vacuum cleaner when now, you can use the iSuck ! Different modes of sucking compliment the different kinds of songs that are playing on your new iPhone 4G ! The iPhone 4G sits in comfortably with caches to secure the mobile phone so that it doesn't fall off !

Note : The iPhone 4G acts as part of the filter only. It does not actually do the sucking. The battery is not able to support such power intensive functions.

Yes ladies. Steve Jobs has fully modified this baby just for you girls ! Ever had to sit out while waiting hours and hours for your hair to dry after having a shower ? Well, now you don't have to ! With the new, iBlow ! Different modes and levels of blowing compliment the different kinds of songs that are currently playing in your new iPhone 4G ! Wow ! Blow drying your hair has never been so cool !

Introducing !!! The all new iHeat !!! With a built in heating element, you never have to look anywhere else for a stove or microwave oven to heat up your food ! Don't worry, since glass and metal have high melting points, you won't have to bite your lips over melting your iPhone 4G while heating up your food ! Talk about practicality !

Whao whao whao. Now hold on a minute, if Steve Jobs made something for the ladies, what about the dudes ? Well fret no more ! Bringing to you, the iShave ! A simple click of the button transforms your iPhone 4G into a shaver ! Since your mobile phone will always be by your side, you will never have to worry about unsightly stubs poking out of your chin !

OMGWTFBBQ !!! Something for mummy ! With a docking station for the iPhone 4G at the base of the blending unit, you can pair up different modes of blending with different songs ! Blending speed is based on the tempo of the song that is currently playing. With built in speakers at the side, blending has never been more enjoyable !!!

All of the products that you have just seen will be in the iPhone 4G box when you make the purchase ! So instead of a small and insignificant package, you get to chug around a crate containing all of the Apple equipment that you've just seen ! Isn't that great ?!?!

What's more, I've barely skimmed the surface off the list of the new functions on the iPhone 4G ! There're so many cool and awesome new functions that I can't possibly list out all of them ! Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but all good things must come to an end. With this said, I bid you farewell and good luck in your new iPhone 4G !

iSingaporean

2010-03-18T20:00:00.004+08:00

While it is widely known that Singaporeans are kiasu, kiasi, rude and inconsiderate, another distinct characteristic of my fellow countrymen has repeatedly failed to be noted down by any articles and/or critics.

Yes. We Singaporeans, all, love to clusterfuck. We all clusterfuck. All of us are oblivious to that fact. Even I, myself, for example, subscribe to the clusterfucking of skinny jeans and over-sized glasses. For others, Japanese hairstyles, choice of music, Westernized ways of behavior and/or speech, and the list goes on and on and on.

You may find yourself saying, "But I don't clusterfuck. I create my own style and I don't follow trends!". To that I will say that you are a big motherfucking liar. But I'm not here to judge your ability to tell the truth, you lying sack of shit.

Instead, I am here to address the most recent issue of clusterfucking;

If you do not know what the above is, then you must be the missing son that Saddam Hussein left behind in the desert hole when he was captured by US troops.

Other than that poor kid, any spastic retard will know that this is the iPhone. Unless you've been at home stuffing your face with Doritos and religiously watching reruns of Desperate Housewives since before M1 and Starhub launched their own iPhones, you will know that if you go ANYWHERE, you will see a cock-gagging asshole with an iPhone. Even the stray cats who fight every night at my void deck have iPhones to play around with when they're not fighting.

Does everyone clusterfuck so much that no one has noticed that they've been customized by Apple Inc. when it should be the other way around ?

Let me point out the few main flaws of the iPhone that nobody minds all of a sudden.
1)

Battery is not replaceable.

As you can see, the back cover is a whole piece. Suddenly nobody minds the fact that they cannot change the battery of their mobile phones. This means that if you're outside and your iPhone runs out of juice, you'd only have the option to make sure that you have the charger to charge it. You can't buy any batteries to replace your flat one.(Even if you could get your hands on one, you can't change it either. Opening the back cover voids your warranty effectively. If you're boasting that your warranty is over, then good luck having to open the whole thing just to change the battery.)

2)

Bluetooth file transfer is not supported by the iPhone by default.

Yes, just from that fact alone, I have come to a conclusion that the iPhone is either racist or gay. From what I have come to understand from websites, you have to install an app so that you can enable Bluetooth file transfer. You can't do it with a fresh new iPhone. Wow, great. I have to install stuff to let my iPhone do stuff that normal cellphones are able to do by default.

3)

Multitasking

That's right, the iPhone is retarded. While some default apps in the iPhone can multitask, this flaw falls on third party apps, which provide the most entertainment for iPhone users. Yeah, you can jailbreak your piece of shit phone, but then again, it just goes to prove that you have to go through an extra step just to do something that other phones can do by default. Not to mention you drain your battery faster than normal.

Thanks to a few friends who are working in different telco companies, they have enlightened me on the nickname of the Home button on the iPhone.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

The iPhone was not the revolution of a whole new concept of smartphones. It was the revolution of a company being able to force consumers to fit it's products where traditionally, in it's market, products were tailored to fit consumers. And all this was achievable because people are such clusterfuck-loving idiots.

I Am Become Grinch

2010-02-21T00:11:00.008+08:00

This entry is intended to remind myself of what I am becoming so that I can come up with a contingency plan to salvage the situation. So, if you're not interested in reading about a small part of the problem that I'm experiencing right now, well, I'm not in the least interested in whatever opinion you might have of me too. Suck a thumb and just leave, I guess ?

Anyway, here goes... I am become Grinch.

I have devolved so much socially that I simply abhor any kind of physical contact with any of my friends save a few. How so ?

I saw a few friends recently whom I was pretty close to in the past. The old me would have called out to them and chatted them up but that was not what I did. My first instinct was to turn the other way around and walk the opposite direction so that I won't have any chances of bumping into them.

They are not the first and last ones.

A few days back, I had the luck of bumping into a friend and after we exchanged our greetings and a few sentences of, "How you been ?" and the like, I panicked, took out my phone, pretended that there was an incoming call, faked a conversation and told him/her that I've got to go and that I'll see him/her again.

Again. that person is not the first and last one.

What the fuck Ernest ?!

I know... and the worst part is that the closer that these people were to me, the further I want to be from them. I guess it's the awkward situation that takes into effect when two people who were once close but have not seen and contacted each other for a long time suddenly bump into each other and they don't know what else to say other than, "Hey ! How you've been !", and when that takes into effect, which is sooner or later, it creeps me out big time.

I think it's just me. But I don't see myself doing anything to change myself. I'm just letting this thing take a firm grip on me.

At times, I just think to myself, "Why the fuck should I say hello ? They were the ones who stopped contacting. It's not my bloody fault we drifted apart. I'm not gonna spend thirty tormenting minutes punctuated by questions into what they're doing right now, cold jokes, awkward silences and reminisces into the past that have long lost meaning to me with them fuckers. So fuck it. I'm just gonna continue window shopping alone. At least I won't dread every minute of it."

Scary part ? I actually don't feel bad about it.

Blah, like I said, I am become Grinch.

2010-02-07T00:14:00.000+08:00

God bless Photoshop and makeup.

2009-12-10T11:46:00.001+08:00

All is fair in love and war.

Audacity Is Getting Larger Than Life

2009-11-26T09:19:00.002+08:00

Chivalry is dead.

Yes, I know it is. But who are you, one who screams gender equality and one who has never lived during the period when chivalry still existed, to make such a statement ?

I am in a dilemma, should I open the door for you, or not ? If I open the door for you, you spit at my face and say that you are an independent woman and can take care of yourself. If I don't open the door for you, you shoot me the filthiest looks and label me an uncivilized barbarian.

So what should a guy do these days ? Man can be such a contradicting piece of work.

I am not implying that a guy should now dropkick a girl each time he sees one, but I think that certain individuals should be reminded of the standards that have been around since many many years ago. I mean, enough is enough. I'm getting sick of little girls inspired by television shows and movies looking for the man who would throw his coat at a puddle of water just for you to walk over it or would take the hand of the damsel, kiss her hand and praise her beauty.

HE DOES NOT EXIST.

Not because all of us are sodding pricks, but because of circumstances, at least I can say, for my case. Let me give you an example.

I am at Cineleisure, queuing up to buy tickets for the blockbuster movie, 2012, and it is going to start in five minutes. My friends are I number seven persons, and seven persons queuing up in a group is not very space conserving. So, I queue up alone to buy the tickets. Behind me is a girl(A), behind A, is another girl(B). Behind B are more people.

Would you expect me to give way to A and B and ignore the guy ? What are the repercussions ?

1) My friends would get pissed off at me because I made them wait longer and possibly miss the first few minutes of the show just because I decided to be "chivalrous".

2) It would seem gentlemanly to your disillusioned, television-show-zombiefied little mind but to the people behind A and B, it would seem like I am just

Don't get me wrong, I would gladly open the door or change the faulty lights or other stuff that a guy is expected to do for the girl. But just because a movie showed you a scene of Brad Pitt dressed in an 1890's suit, being the perfect gentlemen doesn't mean that you should step out of the cinema and immediately raise your expectations of your man.

That is just selfish. Selfish and downright audacious.

Who are you to demand chivalry of any man and proclaim it to be dead when you don't get any ?

what ?

2009-11-25T16:26:00.004+08:00

If you don't like it when people ogle at you, then why do you wear low cut tops that reveal half of your boobs when YOU KNOW that some people will SURELY ogle ?

It's like smacking a kid, then complaining that he cried BECAUSE YOU smacked him.

I swear to god if this goes on, pretty soon, if normality could be found somewhere, it would be in my ass.

"Stupid is a condition but ignorance is a choice." - Wiley Miller

Bloody Fuckface

2009-09-24T13:23:00.004+08:00

I am fucking irritated. I have fucking had it with fuckers who add me in Windows Live Messenger, Facebook, WLNY or whatever fucking social networking sites and talk to me as if I owe them a fucking living.

Like hello ? I am trying to find out who the fuck you are, where the fuck we met, how the fuck we knew each other, whether we have any fucking mutual friends, and if there are, who the fuck they are.

If all of the fucking questions don't have any fucking answers, at least bloody explain the fuck to me, why you bloody added me. And if you don't feel like fucking explaining, the very bloody least you could fucking do is to not reply my fucking questions like I'm asking you to bloody fuck.

I am fucking sure I did not bloody request you to be my fucking friend. You're the one who put up the bloody request, remember ? Am I fucking sure that I was not the one who added you ? Oh absofuckinglutely. I don't bloody go around adding people whom I don't fucking know at all.

If you aren't bloody interested, then why the fuck did you bloody add me in the first fucking place ?

Bloody fuckface.

Formal Hate Mail

2009-09-22T14:47:00.006+08:00

To whomever it may concern,

RE : Why are you such a kway tiao ?

I am writing with concerns as to why I am having such negative feelings towards persons much like yourself. Firstly, let me stress that this email does not in any way, imply that you are a bitch, fuckface, cum-stain, testicle-breath, cock-face and/or a vagina-head.

However, let me re-educate anyone who might come across this email that it is up to your sole discretion to advocate the use of such terms to describe and/or tell off anyone whom you feel can be perfectly or effectively portrayed by the above mentioned words.

Now, on to business. I would like to put a point across.

That point being; One does not drop all contact with another, decide to pick it up again a few weeks later, advertise one's blogshop to another through Facebook, ask another to help one advertise and expect another to do so willingly.

While I cannot deny or argue the fact that you are pretty, I must also stress that exploiting it will not have it's full effect on one such as myself. On the contrary, if you are half naked in front of my door, begging for some hardcore sexual action, then things would be quite different, however, that is not the case, is it ?

So, what I am trying to say is, I understand your desire to make money through your blogshop and your assumption that advertising it through your network of friends may work to some extent.

However, according to historical data, you were behaving like quite a peacock. While I was initiating conversations with you, I smiled to your one/two-worded answers and took it as a sign that you weren't interested in having a conversation with one such as myself.

Thus, I backed off and contact between us plunged to non-existence.

Weeks passed and unexpectedly, you messaged me on Facebook yesterday, asking me for a favor. Thinking that you might be in trouble and not being one to ignore people unless the need really calls for it, I agreed.

Little did I expect to be horribly disgusted with the next few lines that your little cunt fingers typed out.

Also, any request for a favour to be done that comes along the line of, "Help me..... thanks.", doesn't really convince people to help the affected one in need. Unless, the said favor is for a sexual fulfillment purpose which includes the involvement of the one being asked.

Firstly, the absence of the three most basic words to request for help, "Would you mind".
Secondly, the absence of a very obvious punctuation, the question mark.
Thirdly, the tone of your question doesn't even sound like a question. More like an order.

Help you advertise with all of my friends ?

Sure. I'm doing that right now.
Oh bullocks, I forgot to include the url. Oh well, next time then.

Thanks and regards,
Goh Elshender Ernest

Chikity China The Chinese Chicken

2009-09-08T17:18:00.002+08:00

Me : Eh Poon, did the Germans come up with the Uzi ?

(For those who don't know what the flying fuck is a Uzi, it is a submachine gun that has been used in many wars and conflicts)

Poon : Nope, the Israelis did.

Me : Oh... then what did China come up with ?

Poon : Melamine milk.

Lim Peh Hates His Neighbors

2009-08-22T22:11:00.002+08:00

Lim peh is damn pek chek. Knn lim peh don't understand why his neighbors DIE DIE must sing to their baby outside his house.

Why ?

Lim peh house outside got baby crib is it ?
Got full set baby powder is it ?
Got gold is it ?

Liang zhi lao su, liang zhi lao su, pao de kuai, pao de kuai. Yi zhi mei you yan jing, yi zhi mei you wei ba, zhen qi guai, zhen qi guai !

Fucking neighbors keep singing that jibai song outside lim peh house. Knn, if they at least change the stupid song, lim peh at least not so pek chek ! Knn !

Liang zhi lao su~ liang zhi lao su~ LIANG YOUR JIBAI ! Lim peh thought I blast RnB and Hip Hop music will make them go away but knn, after 1030pm, I cannot blast already what ! Later mata come knock on my door how ? Ccb ! Sibeh kao peh leh !

Shut The Hell Up Man

2009-07-07T12:01:00.004+08:00

I don't know whether I have blogged about this before but fuck it, am I bloody disappointed with the males of today.

Look dudes, not a single one of us is fucking interested in :

1) Who your best friend is.
2) What you did at 2am last night.
3) What your favourite colour is.
4) When your last kiss was.
5) Who your bloody last kiss was.
6) What you last had for dinner.
7) How many tattoos and piercings you have.
8) How many balls/penises you have.

Blah Fucking Blah.

Even if there WAS anyone interested, it would be because that person is your girlfriend and she, as your girlfriend, has no choice but to pretend to be interested in your bullshit meme. So, can you please bloody grow some balls and hair on them, stop all this bullshit nonsense that even most of my female friends don't pull and start behaving like a fucking grown up guy for once.

It's irritating how people can be such fuckfaces.

Swine Flu !

2009-06-23T12:52:00.001+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!

AH BOY AH.

2009-06-21T14:19:00.005+08:00

Lim peh si sibei buay song.

Wah lau eh. Lim peh tell you ah, all this xiao di di sibei gong one leh.

Lim peh tell you simi taiji.

Yesterday, lim peh go Zouk to partying it out with Jess and Janice. At first wa lang go fountain there lim jiu first like last time like that. You ask why lim jiu outside when lim peh can go zouk lim right ?

Lim peh tell you, bring jiu at outside lim first then smart. Nabeh, you know how much one bottle Martell in disco not ? Sibei gui leh ! Two times the price can ! That money lim peh can use buy two bottle lim outside you know ! Can get more high leh ! Anyways, whatever lar, we lim finish already then we go Zouk liao.

We go Phuture dancefloor first to dancing it out to the power ~~ahrer and b~~ R&B. Wah, Lady Gaga eh Pokerface sibei power I tell you. Yah lar, damn old liao lar but I like this song alot. Alot of meaning. Alot of feeling. Another two I like is the Coldplay eh Viva La Vida and Peter, Bjorn and John eh Young Folks. Wah. Also alot of meaning and feeling.

Eh paiseh, lim peh distracted liao hahahahaha.

I say until where ah ? Oh. Kum lan xiao di di. Nabeh. Say also dulan. Lim peh, Jess and Janice go Phuture dancefloor to dancing it out then got this xiao di di want come grind Jess. Nabeh, see his jiao bin also know he haven't even reach twenty. Want come chup jit ka to dancing it out with us ?!

Nevermind, you want to grind you grind lor. But if you grind the char bor for 10mins and she got good reaction then you ho seh liao. Tio tao bio liao. Knn, you yio yio yio behind the girl for half an hour and she bo hiu you then you fucking give up lar ! That pu bor kia kept grinding Jess even though she bo biu him at all lor !

Okay, finally xiao di di got it through his thick skull. He's not going anywhere with Jess. Then he siam one side. Knn, lim peh enjoying it out at dancefloor halfway that pu bor kia come tap lim peh shoulder and ask lim peh, "Bro! Which girl you into ?!"

Lim peh look at him, look at Jess and Janice then look back at him. Knn lim peh ai jit ba hor yi si eh ! CB ! Lim peh dance with them so long never rubba rubba with them can only mean I their friend what ! Sibei gong leh you ! You think I kum lan like you ah ! They my friend only lar ! Wah, lim peh sibei hot ah. Nevermind, I cool. Lim peh just tell him that they my friend nia. But they are way out of his league. So mai di siao siao okay ?

I thought we can finally enjoying it out ourselves liao. Knn after ten minute nia another xiao di di come want to grind Jess liao. Another pu bor kia. This one even more gong. Grind one whole hour still dowan give up. In the end, xiao di di kena pulled away by his friend who last time kena one good one before by Jess.

Oh, after both xiao di di siam one side, one group malay ah beng come dance beside us. Nabeh, they dance like asking people to beat them lidat. All the hand move all come out ! Pattern more than badminton can ! Like Taiwan gangster !

Lim peh tell you ah. Lim peh ai tor hui liao ah. Why Zouk become like that already ah ? So many xiao di di and this type of people. Sibei sian one leh. Got other tiu not like this one not ?

Tsk.

Aaron ah aaron !

2009-06-17T12:58:00.005+08:00

I have learnt two new facts today.

According to Aaron,

1) The capital of Malaysia is Jakarta

2) Italy is in Paris.

Apparently, he also thought that Mount Faber was the highest mountain in the world until he corrected himself, saying that Mount Everest is the highest mountain in the world.

Another good ten minutes of laughter.

The One When He Still Had Afro Hair

2009-04-17T18:18:00.001+08:00

He was 10 years, 6 months, 2 days, 8 hours, 17 minutes and 53 seconds old. He was hugging his Tor the Shuttle Zord from Power Rangers Prime.

He remembered how his old man wrapped the box, which was already as tall as him, under so many layers of newspapers to be almost a head taller than him. He remembered how excited he was at first to find out what the Christmas present was and how tired he got to be after almost fifteen minutes of tearing and ripping. He remembered how his parents and sister would smile and laugh while watching him frantically get to the present underneath

Another five minutes had passed, he eventually got through all that black and grey and by the next minute, he was in awe of the presence of the great Power Rangers Turtlezoid. He loved it. It was the one thing he noticed when his old man took him to this Power Rangers convention.

He is 22 years, 8 months, 18 hours, 9 minutes and 45 seconds old. He wishes that simple plastic toys like Tor still make him happy.

Lim Peh's FAQ When Contacting Lim Peh

2009-03-30T14:45:00.001+08:00

I have done this FAQ before but really, I think people are either stupid by nature or ignorant by choice. So here goes a list of simple questions accompanied by some simple answers and SOP to follow when you try to contact me :

What should I do in the event that you do not pick up/return my calls ?
a)Bomb your phone non-stop because I am retarded and do not understand that you may be busy at that point of time.
b)Be a persistant irritating bastard and drop you a text + call every few mins.
c)Be a persistant, irritating and stupid retard and drop you a text + call from different phone numbers every few mins.
d)Give up after two tries and wait patiently like a normal human being would.

What should I do if you do not reply me in Windows Live after quite a while ?
a)I practise preserverance and thus, I shall continue to flood you with, "You there ?, Oie!, Hello?!, Reply leh !"
b)I am an enduring little bitch and I will nudge you constantly even though I know that your status is set to busy 24/7 and thus, you cannot hear nudges.
c)My middle name is Shitforbrains and I will irritate the shit out of you by combining both a and b.
d)I will drop you a call/text if I think that you will not reply in Windows Live in time.

What should I do if you do not return my calls/texts on phone and on Windows Live ?
a)Be a fuckface and flood you on all possible channels. (MSN + Phone + Facebook + Friendster + Email)
b)The spirit of stupidity lives through me and I will do the above plus I will get another person to do it with me.
c)I redefine the words stupid, retard and brainless because I do not understand that you may be busy or sleeping.
d)Wait like a normal human being for me to contact with you.

I hope that the above has helped you a great deal on understanding the Dos and Don'ts with trying to contact Ernest. Thank you for your time.

A Tribute To The Master

2009-03-01T02:24:00.007+08:00

Matthew : Eh Ernest, who's the richest man in the world now ah ? Is it Warren Buffet ?
Me : Ehhh.... Is him meh ? I thought is still Bill Gates ? Didn't Warren Buffet just lose to him by a very tiny bit ?
Aaron : Huh ? I thought the richest man in the world is that.. that.. Barack guy ?
*Matthew and I stare at each other, then at Aaron and finally back at each other*
Me : Hah ?! Barack ?! You mean Barack Obama ?! He's the fucking president man ! President of the United States !
Aaron : Really meh ? I thought is the George Bush guy ?
Matthew and I : WHAT ?!

Glenn : Ernest, would you do Michelle Chia if she was covered in cream ?
Me : Sure, why not ?
Glenn : What if she was covered in shit then ?
Me : Sure, why not ? I mean, it'd be smelly as fuck, but there's no denying her hotness man. Shit or not, it's a yes. At most I'll just wear a gas mask or something lol.
Glenn : Aaron, who do you find pretty ?
Aaron : Hmmm.................
Glenn : Okay okay, do you find Michelle Chia hot ?
Aaron : Hmmm.... okay lor.
Glenn : Would you do her ?
Aaron : Hmmm.... I would make friends with her.
Glenn : *blinks eyes rapidly and shakes head in surprised manner* ...... HAH ?!
*At the same time, I have the laugh of my life for a good 30 minutes*

asdkfjhasg

2009-01-12T12:26:00.003+08:00

A quick recap on what the fuck I have been doing since October 31st 2008 :

1) Nothing.

Hahahahahahaha. I jest.

Firstly, I've been slogging my ass away in camp for November and December 08 because of an audit.

Secondly, I haven't had ~~any~~ much inspiration to blog recently.

Thirdly, ~~Facebook was taking up too much time~~ I haven't had the time to access blogger.com.

Fourthly, I have been contemplating on shutting down Ah Girl for good and maybe focus on my personal blog.

Awwwww.... how ?

Lim Peh At A Lazy Friday Afternoon

2008-10-31T19:44:00.004+08:00

After spending a Friday afternoon blog hopping, I have segregated bloggers of Singapore into three main blog trends :

1) Those who would find that usage of complicated, sophisticated, impressive and long words absofuckinglutely prudent. I don't know why but every entry usually contains a gargantuan amount of damn cheem words.

2) Those who like to imply those relevant words into witty, sarcastic and most of the time, cold puns. Like what I did for point 1.

3) Those who like to let the whole world know about what they did during their tutorials/lectures.

I also realised that 7 out of ten blogs that I have visited include a section that says something along the lines of, "This is MY blog. I don't care what other people say and I certainly don't care what you say either. I will not be bothered by bastards/bitches. If you're not happy, you can click the X button at the top right hand corner."

*looks around*

Just my 2 cents worth. No wait, let me rephrase that.

This in-a-nutshell blog entry is just an opinionated and biased view and should not be taken seriously by anyone. Should one feel offended, outraged, shocked, upset, irritated and/or disturbed by what yours truly has blogged, please feel free to send hate mail/death threats to the following email, elshenderific@gmail.com or alternatively, one can click the "X" at the top right hand corner to effectively close this window.

Wall Street Crisis ! I Think...

2008-09-20T21:30:00.004+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This is pretty cool !

This little guy is damn cute lar !

GB = Girls Brigade ?

2008-09-16T19:19:00.003+08:00

Note to self :

It's great that you spotted and recognized a girl in person whom you chatted up online. It's also great that you remember her but don't be too disheartened if she doesn't recognize you.

2nd note to self :

Always expect the unexpected. Don't be too shocked to find out that she goes to church.

3rd note to self :

Stop assuming that all girls do not go to church.

4th note to self :

When she tells you that she was out with her GB girls, do not be a smart alec and reply immediately, "GB ? Gangbang ?"

5th note to self :

Girls do not like that. Really.

Mr X

2008-09-04T13:00:00.008+08:00

Dear Mr X,

On Day 1, when you first stepped into the office, I was gritting my teeth with ~~contemptuous~~ euphoric joy because I have encountered you ~~and your bullshit~~ before when I was in ops. Actually, before meeting you, people have been giving me ~~fucked up~~ negative comments about you but I chose to stand on neutral ground towards everyone before actually meeting them.

God knows that I would be ~~cursing your ass up~~ singing good praises about you after I receive a ~~ridiculous and ignorant~~ rather important message from the walkie talkie from dear you.

On Day 2, I decided to give you another chance and forget everything but alas, the ~~revolting~~ pleasant face that I get to embrace everyday when I step into the office has given me ~~desperation~~ new light on how I should be feeling towards you.

On Day 3, my ~~overwhelming loathe~~ utmost respect and ~~disgust~~ affection towards your being grows on an unimaginable scale and I start to wish that ~~you will die in the most horrible ways~~ good things will happen to you everyday.

On Day 4, I hold you in ~~great despise~~ high regard and I create ~~downright insulting~~ meaningful and ~~humiliating~~ positive nicknames for you. I start to talk about ~~nasty~~ happy and ~~obnoxious~~ nice things when people mention you to me.

On Day 5, my feelings for you start to manifest and I soon realise that I have feelings similar to ~~hate~~ love for you. Every mention of your name makes me ~~spit in disgust~~ think of ~~grotesque~~ sweet sweet things like ~~murder, Nazi Holocaust, human torture, shooting at a newborn with a AK-47~~ cupcakes, milk chocolate with caramel, sugar coated liquorice, honey flavoured marshmellows and the gist.

Every sight of you makes me want to ~~rip your fucking guts out~~ throw flowers around you and sing Carebears' songs.

I love it when you just sit around doing nothing.

I love it when you decided that sitting around doing nothing is not going to change and you start to play your PSP.

I love it when you assume that other people will help you out with 7/8 of your duties when it is your turn to be on duty for the day.

I love it when you decided that the next best thing that you could do to contribute to the success of the office, is to sit infront of the I-Net terminal and start developing feelings for it.

I love it when the feelings became fully mature and you started a mutual relationship based on twenty four hour hogging on the I-Net terminal.

I love it when you decided that you would gain the ability to be oblivious to the arrows being shot around you and not care about anything and everything that is happening in the office.

I love it when you decided that you would gain the ability to divert arrows shot at you to other people and continue developing the relationship you have with the I-Net terminal to even greater heights.

I love it how you almost immediately assume authority of the I-Net terminal once someone else has relinquished control of it.

I love it when you start to show this wonderful and delightful face when someone else was using the computer when you returned from the little boy's room.

I love that wonderful and delightful face cause it redefines the phrases, "people owe me money dowan to pay me back" and "my whole family just got killed in an accident".

Oh how i love you. Mr X. (:

I sincerely hope that good things will befall on you and that prosperity will follow you wherever you go.

Loves and misses with many chocolate dipped strawberry kisses,
Ernest

Lim peh brogs about photos

2008-08-23T19:34:00.001+08:00

These days lim peh sibeh free. I go Friendster click click click, then go Facebook click click click, then last go WhoLivesNearYou click click click. I see got many changes lar. Especially the photo part.

Why so many people take photo same pattern one ah ? New trend is it ?

Lim peh think this is the hot stuff now. So lim peh must try and rubba rubba with the new culture and be updated also.

This one my favourite. I think this one lim peh damn handsome.

How ? Swee bo ? Damn handsome right ? Okay lar. I is tired. Do all the photoshop until lim peh damn shag.

Hum tum you later,
Ernest.

Ah Girl v2.0

2008-08-22T16:04:00.001+08:00

FINALLY AH !

But still got stuff to adjust. Lim peh need to go out liao. Come back later then do. Ciao !

Photo Gizmo

2008-06-29T02:28:00.003+08:00

"Every hot girl who can aim a camera thinks she's a photographer. Oooooooh, you took a black-and-white picture of a lawn chair and its shadow and developed it at Save-On. You must be so brooding and deep."
- Stewie Griffin.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
HAHAHAHAMOTHERFUCKINGHAHAHAHA.

This is just too bloody hilarious and true. I think I have angered almost every single girl in the world.

Alas...

shit that I am sick of

2008-05-20T16:24:00.003+08:00

Want to hear a prediction ? Sex and the City will be a bloody hit in box offices, and not because it could be a very good movie, but because of people trying to be atas.

I will bet good money that every single American slang Singaporean whore in SG who has enrolled in Mass Comms before has screamed at least once in front of her friends because she wants to show that she watches and can appreciate such shows. Like she's trying to show that she's sophisticated and shit.

This is exactly what happened in Desperate Housewives. Oh trust me. Sex and the City WILL BE a fucking hit. And every bitch is going to sing praises about it everywhere, especially on her blog.

Oh by the way, the next person who plays Low by Flo Rida, 4 Minutes by Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake and Love in This Club by Usher will get a punch straight to his/her face from a stranger.

I'm not joking.

MPG

2008-05-02T03:22:00.003+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. MPG'S TRYONG TO COBVINCE ME TAHT SHE'S JKOING !!

MPG my dear MPG. You don't have to resort to SOP to salvage the situation and save your blardy good ang moh reputation my dear friend.

Yes, I know from the picture, the name puts Alicia. But I call her MPG. Ask me what it stands for if you want. I'll be happy to enlighten you. Or, you can ask her instead.

I guarantee an almost instant volatile reaction.

Don't say I didn't warn you !

P.S. Sorry MPG. I got lazy after the 8th paragraph. So I decided to feature only your moment of glam. =D

Nasi Lemak

2008-04-03T22:03:00.004+08:00

NASI LEMAK.

Wherever you are. Watch out. Because of you, my weekend plans and whatever weekend plans I am going to have are screwed. You better run if you see a guy wearing an army uniform with the name tag bearing E E GOH. You better run, fast. Because that guy will make you wish that you were born without an anus. And pubes. You better pray that that guy won't see you.

Until the chance comes that I see you,

Random

2008-03-30T02:53:00.007+08:00

For the longest time, I have procrastinated on creating my very own blogskin. It is quite easy actually, just some cutting, pasting, scanning and uploading. But since ~~the Army has pretty much taken up most of my bloody time~~ I am busy making good progress in my life, I am only left with the weekends to go out , meet people who ~~do not tell me lights out by 2230hrs~~ I can have fun with and prepare me for the shit I am going to have to endure for the next 5 days and 4 nights.

After the math has been done, I am left with very little time to doll up Ah Girl, not to mention, actually posting readable content in her.

I anticipate the first of July. Why ?

BECAUSE ZHENG HU GIVE MONEY.

And I will be getting $300 ! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I have to say this, it feels damn good to have money credited into your bank account for no reason. Call it the GST Offset Package if you want, I call it the "Put-A-PSP Slim-On-Ernest's-Hands" fund. Savings for that wondrous creation have come and gone for god knows how many times.

Digression : I have been trying to cut down on my fags since BMT but instead, I fagged more. Thus, the reason why my savings for the PSP Slim has crumbled into heaps of cigarette ash. But, I am confident now that I can cut down since I have been posted to my unit and one pack of fags is all I am going to bring in to camp because of my bunkmate who, because of him, I finished a whole pack within 2 days.

Gahmen, show me the money. Time, show me my ORD. Aiyah, still long lar. ):

I promise to show up again with more intelligible material next time. Till then, adios !

A ball and a donkey

2008-03-15T01:38:00.002+08:00

Ten minutes ago, I had this three page essay to type in Ah Girl. I have given it some though and come to a conclusion that you people are not worth the trouble at all. Instead, you people can enjoy the awesomeness grey matter that is my brain, and it's ability to summarise 239846127846127856234 words to a very, very short paragraph of incomprehensible garbage that will only make sense to a group of deranged people who believe that the world is coming to an end because a meteor will hit planet Earth in less than five years, thus resulting in the inevitable destruction of our homeland and completely transforming this world into a hellhole, but since we are already on the topic of Hell, the world we are living in is already a hellhole, so there won't be many, if not, any differences at all, just that the hellhole that we are already living, reproducing and killing each other in will be in flames and everyone would either be dead or dying everywhere.

I conclude that you, a suitor of Ah Girl, have too much time on your hands if you have just read the previous paragraph of utter bullshit and I thus, implore you to do something else more productive, like staring into deep space while drooling over nothing or playing with a ball of string like a cat while laughing at nothing with yourself, thus, effectively giving the people nearest to you a suspicion that you are either crazy or possessed by a 1000 year old demon.

I thank you for your time and hope that you have a very pleasant day ahead. (:

Book of blank pages

2008-02-08T03:41:00.000+08:00

After spending twelve days with 3580734570618972348726 'A' Level students, I have come to conclusion, conveniently translated into Hokkien.

CEH TAK KA ZHUEY, LANG TAK KA DAI.

You may be able to tell me how nuclear fusion works and write it down on paper word for word. You could even tell me the reciprocate of 6541367.1379 divided by 85.367 just by calculating it in your head. Hell, you could even decode a photo to binary code. But if you can't control your basic motor skills and you can't stop swinging your left arm while moving your left leg when marching, I will still think you are a bloody retard.

Ernest Goes To The Army

2008-01-24T00:11:00.000+08:00

Since young, I have always wondered how life was like to be in the army. I was curious. When I grew older, the curiosity in me died and I became ignorant of the fact that I would inevitably be ~~conscripted~~ enlisted for national service sooner or later.

Even after I graduated from ITE, many months had to pass before I got my enlistment letter. Even after I got my letter, the fact that I was going to be in army in less than a year did not affect me at all. It just didn't hit me.

Alas, months and years still will pass by sooner or later and now, in less than fourty eight hours, I will be in Tekong Island, serving Singapore as a chao recruit.

As of right now, I am feeling a whole shitload of feelings. All pouring in like a bucket full of water being toppled.

Anxiousness.
Relief.
Excitement.
Fear.

Anxious because of what I would be doing for the next few weeks, whether I like it or not.
Relieved because I am one of the last few ones of my batch and I can finally can get this thing done and over with.
Excitement because of all the people I am going to meet and hopefully, the joyful memories to be had.
Fear because of homesickness, inability to adapt fast enough and accidents that may sabo my bunkmates, causing me to be the black sheep.

Though I am not feeling very good right now, I am grateful for the people who have been supportive of me and advised me on what to do and what not to do/bring in camp.

Thanks for the KTV session as well guys (:
There will be a whole lot of people I am going to miss.

Wish me luck !

Buttons

2007-12-10T20:27:00.000+08:00

The Pussycat Dolls - Buttons

I have to walk pass this box everyday in order to get to the lab I'm working in. I hate it. I can almost hear each button's plead begging me to push them. The urge is driving me crazy ! ARGH !

Ernest = Crust

2007-11-25T14:43:00.000+08:00

This is the name that I was thought to have by my colleagues on my first day of work.

Chemical engineers don't seem so smart to me already.

Me ? who me ? Meme ?

2007-10-02T06:54:00.000+08:00

Whew !!! I'm saved !!! Just as my brain was about to dehydrate and turn into a prune from all the thinking of what to blog, I got tagged by Max ! Yay ! This should satisfy all you buggers for awhile !

Okay, here goes...

List out your top 5 birthday presents you wish for:

1) PS3 (with an extra controller and many many games)
2) Fully paid Class 3 license course
3) Lee Hsien Long's letter of full and absolute pardon from National Service
4) Gift voucher to redeem five years' supply of cigarettes from Vice Roy
5) $10,000 NTUC gift voucher MUAHAHAHAHA !

Answer the following questions:

1. The person/people who tagged you is/are?
* Max Lem Wen Peng !

2. Your relationship with him/her is…
* Belly old friend !

3. Your 5 impressions of him/her…
* Very humourous(he's actually a clown in disguise!)
* Reliable
* Knowledgable
* Musically-inclined
* Low/No self-esteem(sorry bro. if i listed all good points out only, it would be like a friendster testimonial liao!)

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you…
* Send and carry me right up to my place after I got wasted LOL.

5. The most memorable words he/she had said to you…
* What the fuck ?!

6. If he/she becomes your lover, he/she will…
* be all brokeback and go fishing everyday ?

7. If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be…
* Confidence in himself ! Definately !

8. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will…
* murder Chelsea ! rah !

9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be…
* because he gave me a soccer ball for my birthday/christmas/whatever holiday lar !

10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is…
* get him a girlfriend ?

11. Your overall impression of him/her is…
* Great guy to hang out with !

12. How you think people around you feel about you?
* Gay. Tsk.

13. The character that you love of yourself are…
* I can put on very good make up ! *wink*

14. On the contrary, the character that you hate of yourself are…
* Immatured for my age...

15. The most ideal person you want to be is…
* Taller and younger version of Brad Pitt !

16. For people that care and like you, say something to them…
* Thank you for being there when I needed you !
* It takes two hands to clap ! If i don't call you, CALL ME. Dumbass.
* I'm always a phonecall away !
* Lai ! Sio jim jit geh !
* (:
* Kia ! Dragonfly !!!
* You know who to call if you're looking for company to have supper !
* Aren't I the most handsome, charming, dashing, cute, hotstuff, sexy, wonderful and kind person you've ever met ?

17. Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you…
1. Rong Ping - HUANG HOU !!!
2. Babuski - BELLY BELLY SEHSI
3. TY - MU GUA DA JIE !!!
4. WinXP - Err... just don't hurt anyone while doing this, okay ?
5. Xueli - Tag ! You're it !
6. Kris - I hope this helped you in updating your blog HAHAHAHA !
7. Hajar - Eh sweetcake, when are we gonna meet up for real ah ?
8. Swine - *wink wink wink wink wink*
9. Karmen - I hope you haven't spent all of your time with your bf !
10. Jessica - OIE OIE OIE

Who is No.6 having relationship with?
* Who let the dogs out ?! RUF! RUF! RUF! RUF!

Is No.9 a male or female?
* Confirm 100% female.

If No.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
* Ohhhh... lesbianssss..... they turn me on !

How about No.8 and 5?
* Mooooooreeeeeeee~~~

What is No.2 studying about?
* The art of slacking

When was the last time you had a chat with No.3?
* Err... 4 hours ago ?

What kind of music band does No.8 like?
* I think commercial music ?

Does No.1 have any siblings ?
* A younger brother !

Will you woo No.3 ?
* O.O eh. mu gua jie mei cannot lidat one !

How about No.7 ?
* Hmmm... sure !

Is No.4 single ?
* I think so ?

What is the surname of no.5?
* err.. I have no idea LOL

What is the nickname of no.10?
* Swine ? Duh.

What is the hobby of no.4?
* hmm.... i'll get back to you on that !

Do no.5 and 9 get along well?
* I don't think they know each other…

Where is no.2 studying at?
* no where !!

Talk something casually about no.1?
* NI NAO HIA !!

Have you tried developing feelings for no.8?
LOL. ARE YOU JOKING ?

HEHEHE

2007-08-15T02:26:00.000+08:00

EVERYONE SAY HI TO MY NEW GIRLFRIEND !! JENNIFER.
THANKS A LOT TO MY SISTER !!

You've Got Email !

2007-08-10T11:54:00.000+08:00

For the last bloody time, STOP SENDING ME CHAIN/PITY EMAILS.

I don't know about you but I personally am very very very frustrated and sick of such stupid, time, bandwidth and effort wasting emails. I do not care if I will be poor or hungry for the rest of my life if I do not forward to all of my email contacts your forwarded email of a skinny man or woman starving in Africa in ten minutes.

I also do not care if I will have many many friends if I forward the email to fifty people, or if I will have fifty friends if I forward the email to fourty people, or if I will have fourty friends if I forward the email to thirty people, or if I will have thirty friends if I forward the email to twenty people, or if I will have twenty friends if I forward the email to ten people, or if I will have ten friends if I forward the email to five people, or if I will have no friends if I delete the email.

I also do not care if I will find my true love in ten years if I forward...... AIYAH ! You get the idea lah !

How can one be so influenced by chain/pity emails ?!

Seriously, do you really think that if you forward that email to all of your email contacts, that Cancer/Aids/Diabetes victim will get $0.05 from a big organization somewhere for each successfully forwarded email ? What is the logic behind that ? What can that big organization benefit from it ?

A charitable deed ? Lol.

Do you also really think that Microsoft/AOL will pay you a ridiculous amount of money ($200+ per email sent) just by forwarding it solely for the purpose of advertising ? Okay, let's look at it like how normal thinking mammals would. We take the estimate of the number of people online from the year 2005, which is a billion.

1 Billion = 1,000,000,000

From the email I got, it stated that AOL or Microsoft will pay me $200 for each forwarded email. I am going to be VERY easy on the calculations. Let's say, out of the one billion people online, only three quarters have email addresses. After doing simple math, we have 750,000,000. Let's just say again that out of that number, 250,000,000 do not have email addresses or do not check their emails or they are like me, normal, thinking mammals.

How many do we have left ? 500,000,000. That's five hundred million. Let's just say AGAIN, that the five hundred million people who will forward the email, will do so to only ONE contact.

We take 500,000,000 X $200. How much is that ? $100,000,000,000. That's right, One hundred billion dollars.

To be fair to my arguement, I will take the estimate market worth of AOL and Microsoft seperately. AOL as of year 2005, is worth $20,000,000,000. That's twenty billion dollars, which means that if anyone wants to buy over AOL, he/she has to fork out at least twenty billion dollars.

What about Microsoft ?

As of year 2005, Microsoft is worth around $250,000,000,000. That's two hundred and fifty billion dollars. Let's say that AOL and Microsoft have to split the payouts to fifty-fifty each, what do we get ? Each side having to pay fifty billion dollars.

There we have it, AOL close shop, debt transfer to next liable body, Microsoft. Do you think that Microsoft will spend eighty billion dollars on advertising ? Let's not forget, that amount is calculated based on ONLY one email sent per person. If each person forwards the email to at least ten people ? Eight hundred billion dollars to payout.

C'mon man.

A really boring entry.

2007-08-03T21:24:00.000+08:00

Morning breeze kissed my face. Darkness got a little brighter and a little more reddish. Soon, bright red replaced the darkness that I saw. As memories flashed past to remind me of who and where I am, thoughts about what I want to do but have not done so, came rushing in.

Shrugging off disatisfaction with myself, I allowed myself to open my eyelids a wee bit so that beams of sunlight could pour in and start my day. Soon, I was up on my bed, scratching my scalp, hair ruffled and morning bad breath.

It was nine o'clock in the morning and for the first time in a long long time, I decided to head to the kitchen and make myself breakfast. Mushroom and honey ham omelette, tuna sandwich and chocolate milk. "Good morning, everyone ! I hope you people slept well !", I exclaimed.

Morning breeze kissed my face once again and the humming of the refrigerator diagonally opposite me greeted me back.

Thoughts about family. Thoughts about self. Thoughts about friends. Thoughts about what is, what is not, what has been, what could be, what can be, what should be and what should have been. The cup of chocolate milk, held in my hand, slipped off and the present snapped back.

Whilst cleaning, I felt an itch on the back of my right palm. I stopped cleaning and investigated the cause. Two mandibles, one head, two feelers, one body, six legs and one abdomen. It was one of the smallest beings I have ever come across. Yet, I was so fascinated by it. It crawled from the back of my palm to my bicep.

Time paused for a moment. I was observing the worker ant and wondering to myself how simple life it was for the insignificant creature.

If life for me was as simple as how life is for the ant, I reckon I wouldn't be here typing this blog entry. I would be a mindless slave, working everyday, foraging for food and bringing it back for the survival of the colony, and that would be it. No other troubles or responsibilities.

How I wish life could be so simple.

LOL

2007-07-16T09:24:00.000+08:00

LOL AT YOU. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
IT IS JUST SO FUCKING HILARIOUS ! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. SHIT I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING NOW GOD DAMMIT ! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Ahole

2007-07-05T04:03:00.000+08:00

Bloody prick. That's what you are.

Who the hell asks whether you can get a working laptop LCD for fifty dollars ?! If you can find, I buy from you ! You got how many I buy how many !

You. Prick. Bloody prick. Spastic retard. I hate assholes who waste my time during work. And cut that bloody accent ! This ain't America, dipshit !

Fucking retard.

2007-07-02T14:21:00.000+08:00

This is for you, you, you and you. Yes, the four of you.

Horror at the 12th minute

2007-06-24T01:30:00.000+08:00

At first glance, I thought it was a fucking cool screensaver. Upon an extended period of looking at the screen, I felt that something was not right. I proceeded to feel the screen and to my horror, the poor machine's LCD screen had been subjected to I-dunno-what.

The owner of the machine ? A girl. This is exactly why I wouldn't trust any girl with any device that has a PCB (Printed circuit board) in it.

Windstopper

2007-06-19T21:33:00.000+08:00

Testing, formatting, setting partitions and putting the harddisks back in their respective packages, it seemed like a really long day. Long, boring and sleepy.

Hugo boss shirt, branded blazer, expensive looking pants, snakeskin shoes and a hint of Bvlgari Extreme. He looked armed to the teeth with branded goods. He walks into the shop. Looks around at the laptops for sale. Staff working in the shop thinks he is a potential customer. We pay exceptional attention to him and make sure that we are prompt in attending to his needs. He steps up to me and asks, " Are there any Centrino or Pentium 4 laptops for $350 ? "

My smile widened and I started giggling. "Yup. All the laptops you looked can be sold to you for $350 each."

He smiles, thinking to himself that this was his lucky day. I interrupt his dreaming, telling him, " Of course, without the LCD screen, harddisk and processor !"

His wide grin soon dies down and I can hear the shattering of a glass vase. He walks out of the shop feeling stupid and angry. I maintain my smile, turn around and look at the rest of the people working with me. We burst into laughter that only stops a good ten minutes later.

Moral of the story.
Think before you say/ask something stupid.

You make me frown. Alot.

2007-06-18T22:01:00.000+08:00

Due to some unforseen circumstances, I have to go.
Talk to you some other time.

This has got to be the lamest piece of shit lie I have ever used in my entire instant messaging life to shrug off a conversation with someone else. Best part, I didn't even want to do it.

That's right, I was forced to. I wonder why I wasn't the biggest jerk when clearly during then, I had been taken for nothing. I could have just shed some light to whom I was talking to and let anger takes it course. But of course, I am not such an asshole. I will tolerate taking your shit and smearing it all over my face and still hope for peace and happiness between the two of you.

But that doesn't stop me from wanting to say this,

Eugenefrappene

2007-06-16T07:30:00.000+08:00

This post is dedicated to none other than my very own good friend, EUGENE !!!

In anticipation of his NS enlistment today, we went to KL with two other friends to live out his last few days as a civilian. Even though there were a few things which ruined our moods, we had a good time for the majority of our trip. Now that he is in the army already, I am the last one left who has yet to be called up for NS. Fuck.

V.V.I.P wor !!!

Zouk @ KL

I was skeptical of the nightlife in Malaysia but Zouk @ KL is a very nice place to club at ! We were very lucky that night at Zouk @ KL because there was an event, Ghetto Heaven. Six DJs on six turntables spinning all night long ! I don't know who the resident DJ was but Stylistiks were there and boy were they good. Definately the best remixed R&B/Hip Hop music I have ever heard ! Thumbs up for Zouk @ KL !

So good that even Eugene himself agrees !

Chao Ah Beng

Times with you have been both good and bad, bro. We've shared so many memories and experiences together. Now that you have FINALLY been called up for national service, it means that I'll be missing you as a siao on friend and supper kahki. I wish I had our old photos to show but unfortunately, I've lost all my old photos and am unable to look back into our past =(. Anyways, don't get yourself killed !

Port-a-lappo

2007-05-29T17:29:00.000+08:00

It always pleases me greatly when I hear people complain to me about how their laptop suck greatly when it comes to playing the latest games.

You didn't need a laptop then you sure as hell don't need one now. Your laptop is always at home. Even if it is mobile, it moves from your room to the living room and probably to the kitchen as well cause you're so desperate to be online in MSN/Windows Live. Are you that hard up to use messenger ? Or are you some big shot who constantly sends emails every fifteen minutes ? Or you have projects daily which require your utmost dedication ?

So what do you do with your laptop then ?

1) Play games. Half fucked games like Maple Story and Audition.

2) Use Windows Live/MSN Messenger. Alot.

3) Check emails.

4) Blog/Blogsurf.

5) Surf Youtube.

6) Watch movies.

7) Listen to mp3s.

8) Download random stuff.

I am doing whatever that you are doing on my desktop and at a quarter of the price of your laptop. Sure, I can't move my desktop around as and when I want to. But there's a difference between me and you. I am not that hard up to use messenger.

There's a saying, "You can't spoil what you can't touch." Considering the fact that your machine is highly subject to movement, the possibility of it having a freak nuclear explosion is higher than compared to me accidentally deleting Windows XP on my machine !

Don't even get me started on what excuses people give me when I ask them why they choose a laptop instead of a desktop. Trust me, I've heard everything.

I know what you did when you did what you done !

2007-05-27T19:42:00.000+08:00

Whenever I happen to chance upon a sad, depressing and self-victimizing blog belonging to a stranger, I always ask this question.

"If your life is such a sad one and everything isn't going at your preference, why not just end it all and kill yourself ?"

Of course, I have people I know who really love to post entries of such form. When I visit blogs of the people whom I know, I always make it a point to read the title first. If the title isn't clear enough to determine what kind of entry I am going to read, I will read the first sentence. Normally the first sentence tells me what kind of an entry I am reading.

So, if it tells me that it is yet another oh-god-why-me entry, I either click the X at the top right corner of my screen, or I go on to another blog until I find one that has geniune reading material in it. It sounds mean but friend or not, I hate wasting time to read an entry that perpetrates the author as a being that nobody loves/likes.

Because such entries tend to be repetitive, biased towards the authors themselves and frankly, they bore the shit out of me. I am mean !

Yummy !

2007-05-22T01:58:00.000+08:00

Yes yes Ah Girl knows, she was supposed to cook dinner last weekend but due to some unforseen circumstances, she had to resort to instant food.... again.

But this time, Ah Girl is going to share with all her suitors a GREAT instant secret ! One of her just found instant favs !

Without any further a due... *drum rolls*

I present to you....

Kelly's Spaghetti with Roasted Stuff Chicken Roll

It is damn good I tell you. This package of instant goodness caught my attention the moment I walk past the frozen foods aisle. Unlike many other bland instant food, this actually tastes as good as it looks !

I was skeptical at first about how my tastebuds would shake hands with the above mentioned food since I am not really a fan of tomatoes and spaghetti, be it instant, home cooked or chef-prepared. Since I was really hungry, financially handicapped and I didn't exactly went head over heels over the few instant food packages I had the previous time, I decided to give the instant food industry another chance and bought it. I am glad I did.

This is how it looks like with the plastic wrapped taken off. There is still a thin film over it and you microwave the whole package with the film intact. No puncturing of holes and no peeling a little bit off the edge for air to escape when cooking. Yeah I know, it looks like Kelly decided to just ship her spaghetti frozen solid with just a plastic wrapper outside ! But if you look closer, you can see a protective thin layer of film over the food.

See the plastic film covering the carrots and potatoes ?

So, no worries people. You won't have to worry about hygiene ! The stuff chicken roll package includes carrots, potatoes, spaghetti, tomato base, three slices of stuffed chicken roll and something else which I don't know what it is.

Well, I couldn't be satisfied with just carrots, potatoes and three slices of meat right ? I decided to add some sliced mushroom ham to accompany the tomato base, chopped baby tomatoes to enrich the tomato base and a chopped cheese chicken frank for extra meat ingredients.

Here is the end result,

Cooked, with all the extra toppings inside. Being the pig I am, I had to fry some chicken nuggets and toast some garlic bread so that I WILL be full. But sadly, I was doing everything at once so that all of them will be finished at the same time and I was starving by the time I was done, so, no photos of the nuggets and garlic bread. But fuck lah, you all know how nuggets and garlic bread look like right ? Duh.

I have to say, this is absolute goodness. It didn't taste instant at all ! I wouldn't know the difference if you served me that in a restaurant !

It is available in NTUC Fairprice but I am not sure which outlets, since I bought it, and four more in the Jurong Point outlet. It's simple to prepare, takes only three to six minutes to cook(depending on how frozen it is) and for $3.95 per piece, I have to say it's a good deal for a quick and satisfying meal !

For a Bigger Hard-Drive, Just Add Water !

2007-05-19T20:19:00.000+08:00

Imagine having computer memory so dense that a cubic centimeter contains 12.8 million gigabytes (GB) of information. Imagine an iPod playing music for 100 millennia without repeating a single song or a USB thumb-drive with room for 32.6 million full-length DVD movies.

Now imagine if this could be achieved by combining a computing principle that was popular in the 1960s, a glass of water and wire three-billionths of a meter wide. Science fiction? Not exactly.

Ferroelectric materials possess spontaneous and reversible electric dipole moments. Until recently, it was technologically difficult to stabilize ferroelectricity on the nano-scale. This was because the traditional process of screening the charges was not completely effective. However Jonathan Spanier from Drexel University and his research colleagues have proposed a new and slightly unusual mechanism stabilizing the ferroelectricity in nano-scaled materials: surrounding the charged material with fragments of water.

All ferroelectric materials, even Spanier’s wires that are 100,000 times finer than a human hair, need to be screened to ensure their dipole moments remain stable. Traditionally this was accomplished using metallic electrodes, but Spanier and his team found that molecules such as hydroxyl (OH) ions, which make up water, and organic molecules, such as carboxyl (COOH), work even better than metal electrodes at stabilizing ferroelectricity in nano-scaled materials, proving that sometimes water and electricity do mix.

“It is astonishing to see that molecules enable a wire having a diameter equivalent to fewer than ten atoms to act as a stable and switchable dipole memory element,” said Spanier, an assistant professor of materials science and engineering at Drexel.

If commercialized, ferroelectric memory of this sort could find its way into home computers, rendering traditional hard-drives obsolete. The extreme capacity offered by such a device could easily put a room full of hard-drives and servers into a jacket pocket, but this idea can be applied to other computer components, such as ferroelectric RAM.

RAM is necessary in a computer because it stores information for programs that are currently running. As this news release was written, RAM stored the words in a file. Because RAM can transfer files faster than a hard-drive, it is used to handle running programs. However most RAM is volatile, and if the computer loses power all the information in RAM is lost. This is not the case with ferroelectric memory.

Ferroelectric memory is non-volatile, so it is entirely possible for files to be stored permanently in a computer’s RAM. Applying nano-wires and the new stabilization method to existing ferroelectric RAM would deal a double blow to hard-drives in size and speed.

Spanier and his colleagues, Alexie Kolpak and Andrew Rappe of the University of Pennsylvania and Hongkun Park of Harvard University, are excited about their findings, but say significant challenges lie ahead, including the need to develop ways to assemble the nanowires densely, and to develop a scheme to efficiently write information to and read information from the nanowires. In the interim, Spanier and his colleagues will continue to investigate the role of molecules on ferroelectricity in nanowires and to develop nano-scaled devices that exploit this new-found mechanism.

Support for the research at Drexel is from the Army Research Office and at Harvard and at Penn from the National Science Foundation, the Packard Foundation, the Dreyfus Foundation, the Office of Naval Research, and the Center for Piezoelectric Design.

Taken from NanoTechWire.com.

This is so cool can !!! That website will surely keep me occupied when I am at home for a long long time !

ESIF

2007-05-15T02:22:00.000+08:00

If there are any other people whom I hate as much as/more than a group of stinking banglas, it is a group of ESIFs.

That's right. ESIFs are the most sickening bunch of people of them all. Sadly, in this society that we live in, they compromise of people from whatever race, age and gender. So you can't really identify an ESIF when you see one until they open their mouths and talk shit. And what's worse ? Our little red dot is infested with them. They are like cockroaches, you kill one, you see two more the following week.

At least when I see a cockroach, I can siam it and/or zham hor yee si. But I can't do squat when I am in the same room/place with an ESIF.

A typical ESIF complains about everything and anything under the sun. Yes, they are like our typical middle aged aunties except that an ESIF complains in English and usually has an attitude that calls for a spear up through their asses. They are fluent and expressive when conversing in the above said language, they usually fake an American accent and they are damn proud of it. You can even feel their ignorance gleaming out of their faces. Irritating.

Come on, even a bimbo sounds more real than you !

I will not deny that I too converse mainly in English but that is only to people of other races and some other individuals whom I feel more comfortable speaking in English to. But I wish to highlight the fact that I would prefer to talk in Mandarin once I have gotten more accquainted with an individual. *of course, my cheena is jit teh jit teh one lah hahaha !*

After spending like three whole weeks talking in the Hokkien dialect rather than English to my bosses and colleague, I've found out that some things are better expressed and funnier in the former. Sure, speaking in Hokkien in the dialect seems uncouth, but faking an accent is even more so. What's more, ESIFs always introduce themselves with an English name. What ? Are you so ashamed of your own name ? Sure it sounds funny if you try to pronounce Liang Boon Huat in direct English translation and it's quite hard for people to remember it but it's your own damn name.

A note of digression : Some people aren't even happy with their own English names !

Sure, I do not have my hanyu pinyin name in my IC, but when people ask for my Chinese name, I will not contemplate on changing it or refuse to saying it out !

The morale of my post ?

Be satisfied with your own name, be it English or not. It's not like your parents named you Penis Hard Lim or Fang Alotta Fagina. You're good in English and you talk like a/an American/English/European, so what ? Faking an accent is very obvious and it does not contribute to your glam look. Stop trying to act all high and mighty if you're in a group of people who don't really have a good command of the language. It's sickening and disgusting.

P.S. : ESIF = English Speaking Ignorant Fuck

I hate Singaporeans

2007-05-11T23:45:00.000+08:00

because Downtown East chalet rooms are fully booked in August. Bloody shit. Now I have to find another chalet to hold my birthday celebration. Which makes me wonder...

Who will turn up ?
Who will even reply my message when I send them an SMS invitation ?
Who will fob me off with a lie or a lame excuse so that he/she would not have to come ?
Who would forget that it's my birthday even after a reminder ?
Who will send me a birthday greeting if their case was a geniune one ?
Who will even bother to do that ?
What about the people whom I always see ?

My last birthday was a pathetic one. Almost non-existant. Not to mention planes were on auto pilot that day. It's the same, every single year since god knows when. Less than four people actually met me, two of whom I seldom meet at all, and fifteen who even bothered to send me a greeting. And guess what ? I have 253 contacts (the last time I checked) in my phonebook.

I would feel sad for those who have no chance to celebrate their birthdays at all, but each time a person tells me that he/she had a lousy birthday celebration, I would have this intense urge to bury my shoe in his/her ass. Why ? Because their idea of a lousy celebration is normally :

A) Lousy/Few presents.
B) Less than 34285972397561284 people attended the celebration.
C) It wasn't grand enough.

Yeah, those people are all ABC. A BIG CUNT. If you're an Ah Girl's suitor, you would have realised that I have removed my birthday ticker so that I wouldn't get agitated suddenly and walk over to my neighbour's place and punch his/her face.

I hate rich and pampered children and ESIFs (more on that in my next post).

For the time being,

Official Apology

2007-05-07T08:56:00.000+08:00

To all suitors of Ah Girl,

Ah Girl wishes to inform everyone that her desire to go Ah Beng zai tui and dance non stop to teh-no is no longer in effect. In fact, it has only been there for the night that her Winamp played that song by chance. After which, she began a pilgrimage through her playlist to source out her favourite teh-no songs.

Ah Girl asks not for your forgiveness but your understanding of this matter. Thank you.

Clubbintitis

2007-05-04T02:08:00.000+08:00

After listening to Who The Hell by The Usual Suspects,

I HAVE A SUDDEN URGE TO GO CLUBBING. Yes, I know it's eurodance, but what the hell. I WANT TO GO UM ZI UM ZI ! Any place that plays teh-no and hip hop ?

Morning Dumpings

2007-05-02T08:41:00.000+08:00

Note to self : Never drink freezing cold milk ever again in the morning.

Now I need to go to the toilet again. What a way to start my mid-week.

IP

2007-04-22T06:04:00.000+08:00

Is it me, or is the way some people go about doing things just frustrating ?

Let me give you an example.

Let's say someone asks me out for a movie or dinner, he decides to text me on my mobilephone, asking the relevant question.

IP(Irritating Person) : hey want to watch movie or eat dinner ?

Me : okay, what time ?

IP : dunno, meet already then say lor.

Me : okay lor.

IP : can you ask Pauline* along ? maybe Johnathan* also ?

Now, this really sends me asking, if you had the time to send me an sms, why couldn't you ask the other people as well ? Is selecting their names on your contact list that hard of a task ? Would it kill you ? Or are you just too dumb to actually realise that you can ask everyone at one shot instead of asking one person first and then ask that the person to ask the rest ?

Yeah, I do things like that too. But only when I can't be bothered to comply to the IP's laziness/stupidity. So,

Duh ? 2

2007-04-02T14:56:00.000+08:00

When you drop me a message in MSN, you wait for a reply. You do not wait for two seconds and decide that you will get a faster reply if you flood me with, "Oie", "Oie", "Oie", "Oie", "You there?", "Helloooooo", "Oie reply leh," "Hellooooo pls reply", "Hellooooo !!!!!!!!" and nudges.

It is only obvious that if I do not reply you immediately or within the minute, I am AWAY or I am BUSY with my own things. Do I have to set my status to Away or Busy everytime I get away from my computer to get or do something ?

Also, if my status is set to Away/Busy, it means that I am currently unavailable to reply your god damned messages. But please, do not let that stop you from flooding me in MSN. You probably get an orgasm from flooding people in MSN with meaningless phrases.

There are only two reasons why I have not replied you in MSN yet.
1) I am away/busy.
2) I hate you.

So please, use your brain first before you decide to flood. Dumbass.

Meme ? yes ! meme !

2007-03-22T03:27:00.000+08:00

These are the rules: Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog!

I dress like an Ahbeng or "Mud" aka Malay Ahbeng even though I scoff and mock their dress sense whenever I see them.

I personally enjoy listening and dancing to tehno musik ! um zi um zi ! *screw all of you who think Eurodance is for lower class or childish people only. You think you're pretty hip on Hip Hop right ? I bet less than half of you knows what "shizzle ma nizzle" means ! Take that ! Biatch !

I confide in not one, but many people. I think it is safer that way. Beats me, but I think that telling someone all your dark secrets and your unmentionable past will surely earn yourself a branding on your ass one day. Doesn't matter how close that person is.

I have a little me inside myself that disagrees or swears in response to anything that people say to me. Someone might be saying, "Hey, I just had dinner", and the little me inside would be saying, "Yeah, well f**k you f**king f**kface for having dinner without me. All hail the bloody f**ker standing infront of me." But you'd be hearing, "Oh ? Then nvm lor, I eat by myself can already".

I always feel like giving someone a powerful smack on his/her face and tell him/her to f**k off when I feel that the person is bullshitting me.

I have always felt that our planet needs a massive disaster that won't do any damage but it will wipe out half of the planet's human population.

6 people to tag:

Karmen
Hajar
Fiona
Jessica
Jiaxin (link removed due to user's preferred anonymity)
Jovanna

Alright ! That's it ! Ah Girl out !

I'm baaaaaaaaack !

2007-03-16T12:02:00.000+08:00

After what seemed like an eternity of absence and suffering from withdrawal symptoms from my computer and the online world, I have come to realise that I am partially an addict to my computer. For the period of time when my pc was down,

I wake up and continue to lie on my bed until the time was right for me to go work.

I get home from work, eat, take a shower, watch some television programmes and go to sleep.

I occasionally power up my PS2 and replay all the games that I have completed or yet to complete.

The cycle went on and on until I have finally got my new computer.

But, I also realised that I went to work in full spirits and I slept earlier than usual during the time of my technology hiatus. I could also find the time to reply my smses and calls more promptly. I also had the time to go to the library and read a book. To top things up, I watched more television and can now catch up to the latest serials on television. For the most part of it, I can say that the absence of my being in the IT world has made me realise that there are certainly other more meaningful things to do other than sit in front of my monitor and click and type mindlessly like a slave.

So, in response to the new computer I have just bought which is 32452378195629378 times better than my previous one, I have come up with a plan to better balance my working schedule and some other miscellenous stuff with the usage of my computer so that it will no longer have the power to hold on to my mind and heart like a savage beast holding on to it's prey.

- Wake up, brush my teeth, take a dump/pee, go to my room and use the pc.

- When the time has come for me to go work, I will change into my uniform, prepare everything that has to be prepared, use the pc and probably be late for work on a everyday basis.

- If I have a date/outing with my friend/s, I will change into my casual clothes, prepare everything there is to prepare, use the pc and probably be late for the date/outing as well.

- After getting home from work or my date, I will scamper around to change into my home clothes and use the pc till the ungodly hours.

- I will go to sleep very late, wake up earlier than I would have when my pc was down, use the pc, go to work late again feeling sleepy.

I definately am going to be the best employee of the month and be well liked amongst my friend/s.

Valentine's Day

2007-02-12T04:37:00.000+08:00

Ahhhh... Valentine's Day is coming once again. It is on this very day where couples all over express their love and passion to each other through exchanging tokens and letters of love. But make no mistake that Valentine's Day is solely for people are not without their partners. Single people who have no special one to rejoice with over this special occasion, can also celebrate such a day with friends and other loved ones.

blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah....

Aiyah, in Singapore, Valentine's Day is very typical one lah. Go town or bugis walk around the streets, can see many pretty girl carrying small bouquets of flowers or a teddy bear given to them by their boyfriends one. And when I say many, I mean many. It is like the whole bloody street is packed with flower/bear girls. If you are single, heed this advice, STAY AWAY FROM TOWN AND BUGIS, for you will regret it when the day comes, and you find yourself in a valentine crisis.

If you want to head on to Clark Quay and Boat Quay, close one eye still can lah. At most will find some couples sitting by the riverside, the guy with his arm over the girl's shoulder, his head leaning forward to the girl's head, and both of them are whispering those hair-standing phrases of "I love you baby", "You love me or not ?", "I want to love you forever" etc, etc, etc. Almost always makes me wanna barf when I hear something like that being said out loud in the MRT train.

Which reminds me, since yours truly is working in Balcony on Valentine's Day, please for the love of god, tone down your "admirable" loving spirit and control your urge to just yell out, "I LOVE YOU !!!" to your partner hor. If not, I may find myself unable to control my arms when I am carrying a tray full of drinks near you.

Thank you.

I really

2007-01-28T18:09:00.000+08:00

HATE TO WALK BEHIND AUNTIES. IT IRRITATES ME ALMOST EVERYTIME WHEN I HAVE TO WALK BEHIND AN AUNTY. THEY WALK UNTIL SLOW LIKE JIBAI. I HATE AUNTIES. I HATE PEOPLE WHO WALK SLOWLY AND BLOCK MY PATH. THEY SHOULD ALL DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE.

Hi, are you stupid ?

2007-01-18T05:19:00.000+08:00

If so, do you want to raise the level of your stupidity to an even greater height ?
If not, do you enjoy lying through your teeth so much ? Come on, both you and I know that you have been stupid ever since the day the doctor spanked you on your buttocks !

Opps ! Sorry to digress. Anyways, all it takes it to just send this to all of your friends in Friendster !

If you have any common sense at all, you will know that the above sent message is bullshit. Come on, let's picture this :

You are the "manager" of Friendster. Would you tell your workers to send "automatic" messages to every registered user in your dating website, wait and see if anyone hasn't forwarded the message within a certain timeframe and delete the users accordingly ?

Or would you just check the database for the relevant information that you need ?

Okay, let us just say that you are dumb enough to send every registered user in the website that message, why can't logging in and signing out of an account prove that a certain user is active in the website ?

Hey, this is all common sense. You do not have to be a whiz kid to know this. If you're running a business and you want to check for inactive accounts, you check your accounting books or your database right ? You do not send messages to every owner of every account and use the results obtained from that act to decide whether he/she is inactive or not, correct ?

Pfft ! Don't even try to defend yourself. I have not even started on how the flying fuck can people manage to not check before sending someone else a very long email and end up having the reciever read a whole chunk of alphanumerical crap.

Layered Meme

2007-01-09T03:46:00.000+08:00

I just can't get it. Why do such things exist ? To let other people know you better ? Jeez, I bet less than a quarter of a person would remember what I typed out in this meme. I always enjoy reading such stuff because I would laugh my ass off either to some of the proclamations that the person has typed out, or how the person went about answering a particular question. =/

Beats me. I like to laugh, can ? Anyways, this time, I have decided to continue the Kallang Wave and partake in this silly thing of sorts and amuse other people, eh ?

Layer ONE- On the Outside
Name: Ernest
Birth Date: 17th August 1986
Current Status: Attached
Eye Color: Black. I think.
Hair Color: Black. I think.
Righty or Lefty: I assume I'm being asked as to what hand I use to write with. Left. I do various other stuff with my right hand better. You want an example ? Playing with the racket, firing the rifle and the most important of all, masturbating. HAHAHA !!!
Zodiac Sign: Leo/Tiger

Layer TWO - On the inside
Your Heritage: Chinese ?
Your Fears: No food !
Your Weaknesses: I spend too much on food and I can't seem to save my money even if my life depended on it.
Your Perfect Pizza: Meat, meat and more meat.

Layer THREE - Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up: Are there any errands I need to run today ?
Your Bedtime: It varies. Mostly around 3-5 in the morning ?
Your most missed memory: The time spent in Australia when I was young.

Layer FOUR - Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonald’s or Burger King: Burger King please.
Adidas or Nike: No preference.
Lipton tea or Nestea: Lipton
Chocolate or vanilla: CHOCOLATE
Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuccino

Layer FIVE -Do you
Smoke: *Austin Powers accent* Heavily baby ! Yeahhh. *with twich in right eyebrow*
Curse: Absofuckinglutely !

Layer SIX - In the Past Month
Drank alcohol: Yeap
Gone to the mall: Yeap
Been on stage: Nope
Eaten sushi: Hai ! Hai !
Dyed your hair: Nope

Layer SEVEN - Have You Ever?
Played a stripping game: I think so. I can't remember, lah !
Changed who you were to fit in: Who hasn't ?

Layer EIGHT
Age you’re hoping to be married: around 30 ?

Layer NINE - In a Girl/Guy
Best eye colour: No preference.
Best hair colour: No ridiculous colours.
Short or long hair: Depends entirely on the dress sense and the body figure of the girl.

Layer TEN - What Were You Doing
1 minute ago: Getting amused by this meme
1 hour ago: On the PS2.
4.5 hours ago: On the PC.
1 month ago: Prepping up for the oncoming holidays !
1 year ago: Studying in ITE ?

Layer ELEVEN - Finish the sentence
I love: to eat good food.
I feel: that everyone whom I do not like has to be bitchslapped/stabbed in the face everyday.
I hate: to wear make up every single fucking day.
I hide: and you won't be able to find me. I am damn good in hide-and-seek.
I miss: my Yusof Ishaks.
I need: to eat something now !

Layer TWELVE - Tag 5 people
Let's see. Alicia, Jiaxin, Fiona, Karmen and Jessica !

If you're on of the few people mentioned in Layer Twelve, please get your ass on working on it right on. kthxbye.

Rich Kids and Kids With Rich Parents

2007-01-06T16:19:00.000+08:00

The difference ? None.

Picture this :

Both the rich kid and the kid with the rich parents want a PS3.
What would both of them do to get the PS3 ?

Rich Kid :

1)See if it is financially sound to splurge SGD999+ on a piece of technology wonder.
2)Work out a fortnightly/monthly savings scheme with reference to his/her salary payout.
3)Make sure that the savings scheme does little or no effect at all to his/her everday lifestyle.
4)Save and wait.
5)When the time finally comes, purchase the PS3.

Kid with Rich Parents :

1)Ask the parents what they think of the PS3.
2)If negative comments are given, propaganda and theatrics are used to mindfuck the parents into thinking it's physically, psychologically and financially beneficial for the whole family. If positive comments are given, further assurance of product quality and value is given.
3)Carry on with whatever the kid was doing.
4)Wake up the next day and find a PS3 on the coffeetable
5)Plug the PS3 and play it and probably spoil it after five minutes.

See ? I even had to type so much for the Kid with Rich Parents part. This goes to prove that even kids with rich parents are equally hard up okay ! Perhaps even more hard up than kids who earn their own money ! So, stop saying that you wish you were born with a silver spoon !

Morale of the story ?

I don't even know why lol.

New Year

2007-01-02T22:22:00.000+08:00

Looking back on 2006, I realised that I have not done anything constructive at all. Hell, I haven't done anything constructive at all since I graduated from my secondary school.

Now that 2007 has come forward, certain inevitable events are about to take place, graduation from ITE and most importantly, national service enlistment. This year is going to be yet another undesirable year for me. Even the new year count down was busy with planes.

But nonetheless, a new year brings upon new opportunities and perhaps, new changes in one's life.

Things I can look forward to in 2007 :

1)

2)

3)

4) Maybe a new phone finally eh ? People who know me personally often shake their heads when they speak about my situation with mobile phones recently.

I'm really looking forward to the job at Balcony Bar. A regular nightlife job would make me busy and a little more financially healthy. Hehehehehehe.

P.S. I know what you're thinking, I'm sick lah ! Next time I'll blog about something that requires a little more brain juice okay ?

Skeletons in the closet

2006-12-19T00:11:00.000+08:00

After looking at you, I am all the more determined not to become a manifest of your essence. That would downright insult the very meaning of my existence.

Your oblivion would never be an unhappy memory.

PS3

2006-12-14T02:45:00.000+08:00

I have decided to screw re-typing the previous post and digress to something else instead. Something that stunned me instantaneously. Something that was an orgasmic feast to my eyes. Something that made my mouth wet with saliva. Something that invaded and assumed almost complete control over my conscious thoughts.

Presenting, the next best thing to happen to any Square Enix's flagship game series' fan's life....

YES !!!!!! Final Fantasy !! The THIRTEENTH instalment !!!!

This is a picture of the normal gameplay :

This image scr doesn't do justice to the graphics displayed on the console. Please click on the picture to view it in it's original size.

The following are pictures of the game in either a pre-rendered cutscene movie clip or a cutscene in the gameplay.

Again, please click on the pictures to view them in their original size.

Can you tell the bloody difference ? The graphics are so w00t, right ?! Unfortunately, the game is still in the development process. So, we will have to wait awhile for it to be released.

After seeing these pictures, the PS3 has ranked the top on my things-to-get list. Even my driving license has to make way for this beauiful, beautiful thing.

OR. Alternatively, anyone who wants to go to cuddle in bed with their bolster or partners knowing that I will pray for his/her well being everyday, can buy me one ! I swear I will. I will even place an altar in my living room just for you. I will even address you as 皇上 if you wish it so. I will even lick your pussy*/suck your cock**.

So, anybody interested ? Please feel free to contact me at my email, elshenderific@gmail.com. Of course, you're the one giving the PS3 to me, you may also wish for me to contact you instead. Just leave your particulars behind. Thanks ! =D

*Terms and conditions may apply.
**They will apply if you are a guy.

Sugar, spice and everything not-so-nice

2006-12-10T02:20:00.000+08:00

I initially had a very long post. I am sick and it took me hell to type it out. Every push of any keyboard key was a journey of suffering, agony and pounding hardship. In the end, I still managed to finish it.

But, blogger wasn't very kind to sick people on that day, upon pressing the PUBLISH button, it gave me a straight error 404. Meaning either the website is down or my internet connection is down.

I was still on MSN.

*&^%$#@!~

>:(

Bore and it's reciprocation

2006-11-21T10:09:00.000+08:00

Have you ever come across any profile in Friendster, WhoLivesNearYou or any other online dating/forum websites that you just don't notice ? Do you envy these people ? Do you want to be like those people ? Or are you talented enough to be unnoticed but you just don't know how to start ?

Then follow these few tips to get your way starting and I guarantee you, you will be the least attractive person on the net ! Read on now !

1. Have a very uninteresting name. (PowerRangers, Teletubbies, NinjaTurtles, Hi 5 etc will do just fine.)

2.Also, your age. Putting it at 85m/f could lead people to guess your age, and that is a good thing, because they would most probably give up after two tries and a curse for you. After which, they will move on to the next section.

3. This is the single most important factor for being unattractive online. Make sure you have no photo or a photo of your idol/s, or a photo of your pet goldfish, or a photo of your dog, or a photo of some scenery, or a photo of an anime character, or a photo of a celebrity, or a photo of a baby, or a photo of a baby doing something or a funny photo that does not have you in it.
Any will do. But photos of celebrities, idols, anime characters and babies seem to have the greatest effect. (Note : Ah beng photos of yourself tattooed and naked/half-naked with your super long dyed fringe dangling out are not advisable.)

4. Always strive to have only one sentence or phrase in the "About me" section.

5. Do the same for the other sections too.

6. When it comes to the part for the "People you want to meet", make sure you elaborate it perfectly. Like saying out which gender of people you truly want to meet.
Surveys have shown that Singaporeans are not adept to reading between the lines. Don't beat around the bush. People may spend a few more seconds just to read what rubbish you have put up.

7. Put in some heavy and lagging javascript on your profile's theme. Like changing the mouse cursor, changing the background to a dynamic one with stuff that floats or moves around the whole profile. If you do it correctly, you will lag and piss the hell out of visitors.

8. Finally, add in some music, everybody hates it when the music from their own players clashes with the music that you have uploaded in your profile.After doing all that, I have full confidence in your online persona ! What are you waiting for ?! Change that profile of yours now !

Mahjong

2006-11-12T05:33:00.002+08:00

Sometimes people just do the dumbest stuff. Especially when they are mad or drunk. Or, they are just plain stupid.

Picture this (only for people who understand the game, Mahjong): Four people are playing Mahjong. The game has just started, so the dealer would be East-East (Dong-Dong). After seeing the dealer Pong four sets of bamboo tiles, would you, with a set of tiles that aren't decent at all, want to push your luck, discard a bamboo tile and pray that he or she isn't waiting for that particular tile ?

Not unless you yourself have a 5 point value hand and you want to see who is the luckier one, since in Singapore Mahjong, a Pong-Pong same suit hand (Pong-Pong Qing Yi Se) is equivalent to 5 points as well.

If not, if you decide to make a bet with lady luck and end up losing, you jolly well don't complain and complain and complain about it or get angry and flip the table. The other three players aren't going to be very enthusiastic about playing mahjong with you in the future.

Duh ?

2006-11-06T19:39:00.000+08:00

It seems like nowadays, I am losing my patience towards ~~stupid~~ silly questions, regardless of whether it is directed at me or not. I just cannot comprehend how in the world people can manage to ask such rhetorical questions.

Example 1 :

Me : Damn sian... want go town ?
SI(Stupid Idiot) : For what ?

For what other reason would I want to go to town for ? Have a sun tan ? Kite flying ? Swimming ?
I think it is quite obvious that I am bored, I want to go to town to entertain myself because I am bored and I would also be glad to have your companionship for the day.

Example 2 :

Me : Wah I super hungry ah ! Want go 651 ? *Note: 651 is a coffeeshop's block number*
SI : Huh ? 651 ? For what ?

Now that really irritated me a lot. It was already midnight when I asked that question. Other than sitting down, having some food and beverages and talking to each other, what other reason would there be for to you go to a coffeeshop when it is already midnight on a random day ?

Birthday party ? LAN game ? Oh no, I just had the sudden urge to see you. So I am going to meet you at the coffeeshop and just do absolutely nothing but stare at your face.

Example 3 :

This person nudged me in MSN for a few times in the middle of the night and asks whether I am sleeping or not and I was, thus, no reply. The SI proceeds to text me on my handphone, " HELLO !!! ARE YOU STILL ASLEEP ?!?!?! "

Now that is really intelligent.

It is really beginning to get on my nerves. It is like asking a person why he/she eats, or why are birds able to fly. I need a break from reality.

Equality ?

2006-10-26T22:26:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine and I had a conversation about gender equality in Singapore.

She : Face it my male friend, in today's societies, especially Singapore's, the gap between men and women is getting smaller and smaller. Someday, women will replace men as the more dominant species. Or maybe we already have ?

Me : Why do you say so ?

She : Well, that's because women are slowly taking up jobs that in the past, only men seemed capable of. Some women are even better politicians than men. We should have been the more dominant gender since the start !

Me : Oh... Then I guess the government shouldn't have a problem reeling in women for National Service already.

She : No way ! We will never be able to bring ourselves to crawl through dirt and mud. Besides, National Service is for guys only.

Me : What about gender equality ?

She : You talk too much.

=/

Men vs Women

2006-10-12T19:40:00.000+08:00

Some girls have been complaining to me how bad lovers their boyfriends make and how pissed off they are with them. But at the end of the day, I still see them holding hands strolling down Orchard Road. I still hear them whisper sweet nothings to their boyfriends.

Some guys have been complaining to me how much they are suffering under the hands of their satanist girlfriends. But at the end of the day, I still see them complying to every ~~need~~ want of their girlfriends. I still hear them apologising repeatedly for their mistakes... or what seems of it.

Some people have been confiding in me about how much sadness they are experiencing since they day their other halves left them. They told me that they will never ever love again, they will never trust love again, they will never get over the amount of pain and torture they are going through. But at the end of the day, I see some patching things up with, some going to clubs/pubs to get picked up/pick up and some talking to me in such a normal tone that leads me to think that nothing happened yesterday.

What the hell ?

Men and women quarrel, so who is exactly in the wrong ? No side would admit that they are in the wrong or partially in the wrong. It takes two north poles to repel each other and the science behind it ? Pride, or some may call it, ego.

Rome wasn't built in a day. But some heated arguements can. Many unnecessary arguments can be avoided if either or both parties would just calm down and reassess the situation before blaming each other and starting a cold war.

So if you die also think you right and he/she die also think he/she is right leh ? Then bo bian lor. 打架！打架！打架！That's what makes a relationship real, right ? But then again, too much of it ain't healthy too, right ?

So what is the conclusion ?

Break up with your girlfriend/boyfriend. Stay single. Flirt around. Singlehood guarantees lesser problems and no commitments towards anyone. I don't even have to begin to tell you the advantages of being single ! I know you are smart enough !

Men are nothing but horndogs and MCPs.
Women are nothing but trouble. Trouble in the purest form.

Orbituary

2006-10-08T23:11:00.000+08:00

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

I told you I'm charming.

Geeky Issues

2006-09-25T06:07:00.000+08:00

After having horrible 56k-like single digit download rates for my uTorrent client for approximately 3 days, I have been quite desperate to tweak my SCV connection so that the download rates would bounce back to normal.

Now that I have managed to jolt the bloody download rate from 7kbps to 45kbps, I am UBER elated. So here goes...

F*** YOU STARHUB ! KNN UPGRADE TO 4MBPS ALREADY AND YOU STILL GIVE ME THIS F*** SPEED ?! 7KBPS TO DOWNLOAD A BLOODY TORRENT ?! AND WHY 4MBPS DON'T HAVE ANY GOOD PROMOTIONS ONE ?! NEH !

In any case, I just have been quite frustrated with what Starhub has been providing as an ISP. Am I experiencing such slow speeds because Starhub doesn't like Bittorrent or is it just because I am a cheap 4Mbps internet service plan user ? Don't start telling me about seeds and leechers and trackers because I am downloading from a pretty healthy tracker. Balanced seeds and leechers.

Not only is the internet connection at home facing quality issues, but the CableTV that my home subscribes to is also facing such troubles. On a lucky day, I have to wait a full two minutes before I can watch channel 49/52/54/55/56.

Since not everyday is Sunday, I may have to spend a frustrating ten to fifteen minutes watching a blank screen on the television like an idiot before I can watch any television programmes at all.
Sometimes, I am really tempted to call up my sister in Dubai and just beg her to change our ISP to SingNet. Sure, I won't be downloading as fast as Starhub on HTTP servers but I'm sure as hell won't be getting four digit pings when I'm playing CS or other online games and I won't be getting single digit downloads on my uTorrent.

Fat green pipe ?

Limpeh lan jiao more fat okay !

Just another day at MSN

2006-09-18T03:14:00.000+08:00

Eulogy™ says: oh
Eulogy™ says: i noob
Eulogy™ says: u ask ernest
Elshenderific says: nono ask jackson
Eulogy™ says: hes got a more active sex life than i do
Elshenderific says: he's the gandalf in sex
- L a L a L a n D - says: what is sm like in singapore?
Eulogy™ says: im retired
Eulogy™ says: oh
- L a L a L a n D - says: u re ur cheebye
- L a L a L a n D - says: retired..
Eulogy™ says: SM in SG is all abt seeing u
- L a L a L a n D - says: u just taking break la
Eulogy™ says: the moment i see u
Eulogy™ says: i feel so fuck tortured
- L a L a L a n D - says: ..
Elshenderific says: LOL
Elshenderific says: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Apologies (Edited)

2006-09-17T13:33:00.000+08:00

Picture this. A man and a women are both quarrelling.

Woman says, " I am sick and tired of this shit ! Why can't you blah blah blah blah blah "

Man says, " Yes, yes, yes. Baby I'm sorry this happened. Can you forgive me ? "

Woman says, " I'm sick and tired of hearing you apologise to me !! &^%$#@! "

If he can't say, "Sorry", then what can and should he say ?

----------------------------------------------------------

For the benefit of the challenged, I am just asking a question. Let's take it for granted that the man does NOT apologise too much and the woman is just being.. unreasonable ? With such knowledge, what do you think he can and should say ?

Why I Shake My Head At Some Kids

2006-09-13T19:10:00.000+08:00

1) They are insensitive pieces of fuckcrap who absolutely have no patience towards ANYbody or ANYthing. If they want it, you better bring to them. If they want you to make them a rainbow, you'd better do it. If they have at least an ounce of understanding in them, then Chaterine Bell is my mother. ~~I wish.~~ They do not care of your plight. They do not care if it is impossible. Just make it happen.

2) They are spoilt brats who think that the whole world owes them a living. They take everything for granted. Even the results gained through the hard work of others. They'd cry and stomp their feet on the ground, grit their teeth, make a total fucking nuisance of themselves and drag you down with them until they're happy.

3) THEY ARE FUCKING JIBAIS.

4) THEY ARE FUCKING JIBAIS.

5) THEY ARE FUCKING JIBAIS.

6) YOU WILL BE A FUCKING GONG JIBAI IF YOU THINK I'M TALKING ABOUT SMALL KIDS ONLY .

Not the normally used term "cheebye" okay ? Is "JIBAI" already. "cheebye" up one level is "jibai". Disagree with me and call me a kid all you want, kiddo.

Sorry people, I had to let that out.

Why Guys Look At Girls

2006-09-02T18:58:00.000+08:00

For the past few weeks and days, I have thought of what to blog about. I look at the folder filled with the photos that I'm supposed to blog about. After spending so much time on thinking what to blog about, I have come to a grand conclusion, I still can't remember what I wanted to blog about.

Anyways, I don't understand why some people would get irritated or angry if his/her friend looks at females. May I know what is so wrong about it ? Or is it a sin ?

There's nothing for you to tolerate, what ? It's a pretty known fact that Guys look at girls. You have lived with it ever since your guy friends started growing hair on their pubic areas. Don't tell me you don't know that. Sure, you can tell me, "Why some of my male friends don't do that ?!". It's because

a) they are gay.

b) they do it, but they don't do it obviously.

c) when they do it, they make sure you are looking somewhere else.

Guys look at girls. It's a fact. It's been there ever since the first man came to life on Earth. Some do it more obnoxiously than the others. But at the end of the day, we are still checking out girls. Hell, even a geek would check a hot babe if she walks pass him. Why wouldn't you say the same thing when we look at cars ? It's the same damned thing.

Why do it ? Would you get laid by the girl if you stare at her body ? Can see but can touch or not ?

With that being said, "Why do you put on make up ? Why do you wear nice clothes ? Why do you spend so much time and money putting on make up and matching your clothes and shoes ? Why did you join Friendster and some other cheesy dating websites ? "

Don't even try to tell me you want to make just friends in those websites. I swear you will most definately burn in hell for that shit.

Ah Girl : Yah lor yah lor, wear so nice also let people see ! Put on make up so nice also let people see ! Spend so much time and money on make up and clothes also to let people see see ! Join that kind of website also let people see see !

It is in our blood to look/ogle/stare. We love to see girls wear tight or revealing clothes or nothing at all. God or whoever who made us, made us this way. You just can't escape or deny that cold hard fact. We are guys, through and through. It's similar to complaining that a cup holds water. Illogical. It's pretty simple to understand if you still can't seem to comprehend our explorative nature.

You dress up. You are hot. We look.
You don't dress up. You still look hot. We continue looking.
You don't want us to look. You gouge our eyes out. You make us turn gay. You get involved in an accident that disfigures your face for life. Capiche ?

The comments we make while we are looking are not to be taken seriously. It's similar to you screaming, "OH GOD ! OH GOD ! FUCK ME FUCK ME ! DEEPER HARDER DEEPER HARDER !!" while you're busy getting fucked by a hot and cute guy you met in the club. In vain.

Would you take us seriously if we were to say that we are going to join Al Qaeda tomorrow ? Would you believe us if we were to say that we are going to walk up to that girl and fuck her right on that spot ?

Of course not !

And of course, we don't say anything when you squeak excitedly to us when the guy who just walked past you is hot and cute or he looks like Takeshi Kaneshiro or some other guy from a boyband. Duh.

Women. Pfft !

The best entry I have ever typed in Ah Girl

2006-08-27T20:25:00.000+08:00

I woke up today and I went to brush my teeth. Then I went to have a shower and then I stayed on my 'workstation' and smoked and did many ~~constructive~~ things like thinking what to blog about, watching movies, listening to my mp3s and blogsurfing.

Come noon, I went to toast some bread and ate my lunch. So now I'm here telling you about the very interesting things I have done today !

P.S Qian Li Zhi Wai a.k.a A Thousand Li Away by Zhou Jie Lun and Fei Yu Qing is quite nice ! So are the songs from F.I.R's new album, Flight Tribe !

Stayed tuned for more interesting things.

Toilet Prank

2006-08-24T00:26:00.000+08:00

Makes you think twice before using the public 'movable' toilet.

Gan si lang suay ! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!

Muacks Shmucks 2

2006-08-18T02:36:00.000+08:00

The next time I hear someone say, "Muack muack" or "I love you forever dar dar", I swear I am going to spit right smack on that person's face.

Just joking.

Anyways, thanks aB, Huixian and her sister, Jennifer for the meal and the present ! Love em ! =D

Rent

2006-08-14T04:24:00.000+08:00

Rent Character Quiz

You're Mimi Marquez. You're 19, but you're old for your age. You've got a lot of emotional baggage, but you know how to have a good time. You don't dwell on the past or worry about the future; you live for today.
Take this quiz!

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Join

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jibai

NDP

2006-08-09T19:58:00.000+08:00

While watching the National Day Parade, I realised that it was going to be the last one held at the National Stadium. Even though I welcome the idea of celebrating 2007's NDP at Marina Bay, I remisce suddenly when I was much younger when the NDP didn't have so much visual effects and so many pretty lights. Not to mention, the modern beats to the traditional songs like Stand Up For Singapore, We Are Singapore, Home, Chan Mali Chan and others.

Slight Digression : I have hardly missed any NDPs but unfortunately, I can hardly remember any as well HAHAHAHA !!!

I have always loved watching the parade and even now, I still do kind of enjoy them. Everytime I watch the parade, I fantasize on wearing the No. 1 uniform because they just look damn smart and suave, lah !

I too have always admired the amount of discipline each soldier has to be able to endure the long hours of marching and parade rehearsals before NDP, the honor the Lieutenant Colonel has when he is addressing the President, the amount of responsibility he has when he is shouting out commands to the contingents and the way they march out.

Then, I think to myself, it'll be good if I can get my chance to wear the No. 1 uniform... and then reality hits me at the back of my head and I snap out of the fantasy.

Please do not misunderstand that I am actually promoting anything in anyway. I hate the gah-men and I still do. Now I can't smoke in hawker centres and other public places because the tables for the smokers will always be full ! Next election comes, they're not getting my vote unless something is done. Seriously, us smokers only get 10% of the tables ? That's too damn little, lah !

NEH !

I.T.E 就是 I.T.E

2006-08-01T23:32:00.000+08:00

After spending close to an hour trying to solve a computing math question and getting around 16 wrong answers, I realised that I copied the question wrongly.

What can I say ?

I.T.E

Another reason why there aren't many daddy songs

2006-07-24T06:34:00.000+08:00

For those of you who have had told me that my relationship with my father is a funny and cute one, I would say that my relationship with my father is only a funny one. Literally.

If you still don't get it, here's something else. Our father-son relationship can be measured in currency. Or if not, material. Okay ?

So, stop saying my dad is loving or whatever, cause, if he's loving, he's not my dad.

A reason why there ain't many daddy songs

2006-07-20T04:52:00.000+08:00

How often do you get a father who is trying to instill fear into your heart but instead of doing so, he entertained you for the rest of the day. Rest of the week even !

It all begins when I took a lighter from my grandfather's altar and I forgot to put it back on the same day. The day passed and morning came. I have strong reason to think that my dad was pretty upset when he couldn't locate the lighter to light up the joss-sticks for my late grandfather.

This was what he left for me for my early morning greeting...

wow, absolutely wow.

I didn't know that taking a lighter off my grandfather's altar would get me a one way ticket to hell.

Somehow, I don't think he wrote that when he was wide awake. Anyways, I replied to his note but fuckadoodledoo, I forgot to take a picture of that !

In my reply, I wrote :

"Dad, that was a very interesting note. I am shivering with terror."

That sort of 'strenghtened' our father-son relationship since we aren't talking to each other anymore. lol. But hey, if he can take my bowl of lighters which numbered to a least eight or ten and without my consent or knowledge, I don't see why borrowing a lighter from him is so sinful !

*Ponders again* Nope, I still don't see anything wrong !

Gabble gabble

2006-07-14T22:41:00.000+08:00

Hello suitors of Ah Girl ! I'm back ! Before you read on, please note that this is an extremely mundane entry.

Slight digression :
Once again, procrastination rules. It always does. It is due to prcrastination that I am now still unemployed. It is due to procrastination that I still don't have the money for a tattoo and a new computer with kickass specs. It is due to procrastination that I still am financially tight. I wonder when my case of procrastination will end. Or will it ?

For the most part of these few days, it has been boring and repetitive, repetitive and boring, boring and repetitive. ARGH !!! Anyways, one of these days, I am going to send a complaint letter to HDB.

Why ?

Who the hell does construction work at 9am on a friggin Saturday ?! My precious sleep has to be disrupted every fucking morning for the whole of this and next week just because some bloody worker didn't do his job right. I can even hear the foreman yell out orders to the workers, and since my room window is always open, and it is just beside the common corridor, I can hear him perfectly well. Too well.

*&^%$#@!~, cannot just tell them meh ?! Need to yell out one ah ?! Saturday leh uncle ! You no need to sleep, other people need to sleep one leh !

At times, I just want to tell the foreman and his evil and noisy group of workers,

A piece of bad news too all of my fellow smokers, prices of cigarettes are going to get increased... again. By fifty cents I think.

Then, one pack of Vice Roy fags would cost $10.10 !!!!!!!!!!! What is this ?! Some kind of conspiracy between the government and the fags companies to suck our wallets dry ?!

Sorry, this is a very lousy entry. Just needed to get it out of my system hahaha... I know what i need most now, a job. Anyone got lobang ? Most preferably, a job in a club ? Or pub ? Or nightclub ?

So bored, I just want to...

Muacks Shmucks

2006-06-26T23:35:00.000+08:00

I was on the train back home the other day, with Lexandria. and something absofuckinglutely terrible had to happen. I had to endure almost 15 mins of conversation terror. There was this guy who was sitting right beside me and he looked like he was in his twenties.

Late twenties.

After he seated right beside me, his handphone rang immediately. Picking up the phone, he said...

him : hehe

*after his cheeky greeting, he got my attention*

him : 你在做什么 ?

*at this point of time, I was already guessing what the Other Party would reply*
Please also note that OP and her(obviously) replies are purely predicted and may not be correct at the point of time.

op : 没有什么咯。。。刚刚做完我的功课！ (nothing lor, just finished my homework!)

him : 哇！为什么这样聪明！ (wah ! why so clever !)

op : 哈哈！可以吗 ?! (haha ! can or not ?!)

him : 不可以啦 !　这么聪明，等一下把我吃掉这么办？ (cannot lah ! so clever, later eat me up how?)

op : 不会啦 ! 我这么想你,那里会舍得把你给吃掉 ! (won't lah ! i miss you so much, won't bear to eat you up one !)

him : hehe... 我也好想你 ! muack muack ! (hehe... i miss you alot too !)

Blahshit blahshit blahshit. I could only remember the first few lines, after hearing that "muack muack", my mind was clouded by thoughts of murder and swearing scenes. Whatever the case, I sincerely hope that people would say such things at a minimal volume thankyouverymuch, or better yet, in private.

Not everyone appreciates hearing, "i love you too dar dar !, dear dear ! you love me mah ?, bao bei ! wo ai ni !" or whatever that is relevant, in public. It may be music to your ears but it's certainly not something many people would want to hear when they are sitting down/ standing in the train, feeling tired/exhausted from work.

Particularly, LIMPEH.

Acts of intimacy like hugging and pecks are fine with me, so long as you tone it down, don't overdo it and make it look like you're gonna have sex soon. But speaking out loudly and letting 871313641891241 other people listen to your lovey dovey conversation is just downright disgusting and irritating.

Damn I feel like making up a spoof now. Heh heh...

Hehe

2006-06-15T20:46:00.000+08:00

It was after this morning when I woke up, after I nuaed on bed, after I procrastinated no more, after I decided to brush my teeth, after I took so long just to complete a few simple tasks, after what seemed like 3 hours into the afternoon, that I remembered.....

AH GIRL. AND I HAVEN'T UPDATED HER IN 897865412316874623548687832 DAYS.

So now here I am, embarrassed with myself and apologetic for not blogging for so long. ~~Sure I am. Fuck you.~~

But hey, you can't really blame me you know ! If you know me personally, or you have read Ah Girl previously, you should know that I don't blog about daily mundane stuff like :

eg1)

Heya ! I went to (insert name of club) last night ! I had so much fun can !

(insert photo of club with very poor lighting)

(insert photo of myself posing with a friend in the club)

And then, we had (insert name of alcoholic drink) !

(insert photo of myself holding the above named alcoholic drink)

Wah, I drink already damn seh sia ! I almost K.O. after that drink lor ! Then after a short while of dancing on the dancefloor, we went back to our table and our friend (insert name of friend), came !

(insert photo of myself posing with above mentioned friend)

Hahaha ! I had so much fun can !

(insert more photos of myself posing with friend/s)

Then after that, we went to have supper at (insert name of place) !!

(insert photo of myself posing with friends at above mentioned place)

(insert photo of food)

OR

eg2)

I went to (insert name of restaurant) today with (insert name of friend/s) !! Woot !

(insert photo of restaurant)

The food was uber nice can.

(insert 'artistically' angled photo taken of food)

(insert photo of myself taking a bite off the above mentioned food)

(insert photo of myself posing with friend/s and above mentioned food)

(insert many other photos)
______________________________________

Aiyah, you get the fucking idea lah.

If you're expecting to see such stuff on Ah Girl, sorry, tough luck dude/babe. That is just not what you will see. Maybe once in a blue, red, purple, green and pink moon.

My point is, since I don't do stuff like that, it's only normal that I would take longer than usual to update Ah Girl mah ! ~~Actually, I procrastinated and procrastinated on blogging until I forgot.~~ So little stuff for me to blog about !

Once again, I apologise for taking so long to update. Really.

Much delayed

2006-06-01T08:32:00.000+08:00

Siao lian eh ! Paiseh ah ! Limbu nowsadays sibeh bo eng ah ! Kan si lang busy with work. Want to bio yandao also no time ! So now limbu is come back already. Happy or not ? Happy rights ! Aiyoyo, this type of thing no need paiseh one lah hahahaha !

I swear I need a new CRT ot LCD monitor. My monitor is making it very hard for me to type this now. Zzz, the screen is flickering consistently and I can't see shit for nuts ! Anyway, I have finally bought my O2 XphoneII charger ! Meaning now, I can finally use my own phone ! Yay !

Work has been taking up much of my time and I barely have enough time for entertainment outside work hours. After working for so much these few days, I have once again let myself to feel that schooling is still the best. ~~No worries , obligations and not much responsibility is required hahaha !~~ Can slack as much as I want !

Okay, I'm getting really sleepy. Will continue tomorrow ! Promise ! Ole ole ole ole !!!!

O.O

2006-05-28T16:20:00.000+08:00

http://www.break.com/index/bb80.html

If she was my teacher for the majority of my academic career, I'd probably be a PhD holder by now.

Youtube(2)

2006-05-24T08:09:00.000+08:00

And more videos to share !

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. God dammit I cried so hard after this.

You need to have some knowledge of the show beforehand before finding some parts of the clip FAH KING hilarious.

"What happened here was a miracle ! And I want you to f**king acknowledge it !"

Seriously. This is some good shit.

Ever had a geek as a friend ? Send this video link to him/her and he/she may sympathise with them instead and start to lecture you that it is not funny. Not even a single bit.

Youtube

2006-05-21T04:07:00.000+08:00

*Updated*

Disclaimer : Please note that the following video is subject to parental guidance. Ah Girl does not condone violence in any way and situation. Kids, do not try this at home or anywhere for that matter. It is uncool and stupid, really.

I wouldn't even call this a fight.

This is proof that Singaporean kids ain't getting smarter with generations to come. And judging from their looks, the majority of them don't even seem to be of legal age yet to watch NC16 movies.

Ah Girl : Jit bai eh gin na si beh bo liao. Sin-ga-bo jialat liao ah ! Jit bai cham liao lah !

This is classic. Absolutely hilarious. The objective is to not laugh.